help...

Posted on October 01, 2011 at 07:00 PM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago);
section: confession / society
views: 664
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wrote the following:

i wonder sometimes am i crazy? i find out suddenly i'm doing things in patterns. walking a certain path or if ppl are near i move away by crossing the street (if possible), if not then i always pass on the right. funny how i nvr noticed these things before i was stoned one night/early morning. i was preparing to leave, i suddenly realized i do the same thing every morning and every night, and have been doing so 4 quite some time. the over all doing it hasnt been exact but similar in the same way. by where i put my phone, house keys, how i eat, my sexual fetishes. i have for a very long time now have always craved being in the dark alone with just the sounds from my audio source, a recording studio with tons of leds, something playing on the tv, or just a laptop. sitting naked. so i have developed a want to be a nudist? not even sure where or how i got that n 2 my head, but thats not really what i mean by patterns i have noticed i have been doing as of that day. the morning and night time ritual/pattern.how i walk on the streets. the same places i look at everyday i walk to the library. the library i always have to sit in the same spot all day long when i have a laptop. the thoughts that i have. killing people. i've had dreams about how i would kill this one bum who pissed me off and have no seconds thought of killing n/e of his friends that came to help. during the more graphic thoughts my grandmother died and I gained every thing she had. Then soon lost everything thanx to my gf at the time 14-15 yro sandy (i was 26 at the time). dumb me just being in love like that with a nut job youngen cost me everything. Haven't been able to get it bk yet but i have plans to keep trying n/e way possible. Mother issues...i guess about the same as for my father would like to see her dead too. abandonment issues...never really thought about them or it. i guess so maybe not even sure what qualifies. antisocial...yes when and why not really sure i use to love to be the center of attention, then 1 day i wanted to be forgotten, left alone, people began to annoy me, crowds moved too slow, ppl constaintly in the way of where i was trying to walk. i became content to live in a digital world, but my thoughts nvr left. they still come and go. the talking to myself has gotten more intense. i worry some times that i accidently speaks certain things outside my mind. i keep changing who/what i want to be called. no name seems to be the right fit or maybe they all are me just different sides/parts of me trying to make a whole.? then i have a strange thought "am i like this because of the types of shows i like to watch and place myself into the show or is it because they show appeals to my darker side or could it be cause i wish i was the person being questioned but nver being caught cause of reading and understanding where the questions are qoing." i don't know either or if even any of these. oh wait my favorite one the #1 pattern is the "finger playing" but i have a number of different ones. not really paid much attention to it till now as to why i do the different ones is it fear, nerevousness, uneasiness, excitement, content, thinking. possibly more havent even tried count them yet as the above is something i just figured out. writing keeps most of the thoughts out of my head except one writing. my story inspired by the little bitch sandy probly the only good thing she ever gave me. a story about a girl who was close to her mother and goes completly psycotic, all for the sake she believes that by killing these ppl in various kinds of totrue she can get her mother bk. so i write about the different ways she tortures peoeple to deth and i get sexually aroused. not quite normal but maybe i'm getting off on the story is because it was the only thing we created even if in a fucked up way. well thats no help thats not normal...thats almost as sad as a heart broken high schooler crying over a shirt or something everytime they touched it as if it was the most important thing in the world. like a child...ok so maybe i'm sexually arouse cause this is like "our" child? thats just as fucked...i want to fuck my own kid...??? all be it though i have had insestual thoughts about my daughter. of which there is no daughter. so is it sick then? and could the book just simply be a projection of my thoghts and desires? as i get drunker i begin to talk louder and louder to myself, but if stoned as well it fades in and out. if i;m just stoned i speak only in my head. except stoned and horny then i talk out loud. for all the thoughts of murder i've had n not 1 did i ever take a ""throphy"" til today when my boss my largest access to any kind of money was beyond tolerance i began to sing a song about how his keys to all the locks are colored."black and blue is how i see u" "green and red oh, look the boss is dead". then i looked at the keys and viewed them as if i needed to look at them everyday. a ""trophy"" to remind me of that day. even after knowing what i thought i still allowed myself to start thinkimg of ways i could rob/kill him and make it look like a stranger he picked up as he was known to do jumped him and killed him taking his money. whats even more fucked is to the fact on a certain job we both try to sleep in the cab of his truck, and here i am mere feet away from him and writing about how i want to kill him. i even noticed how i would keep the keys on me...i'd bitch and moan about what was botherimh me in my pocket, and then i would pull out the keys "those keys" and i would smile and think of life after killing him oh yeah, i remembered think of how i could get 1 post to get 1mil followers on twitter. A single solitare post. nothing more than a link to my thoughts leading to me being a poteintal serial killer. break in prevous thought so new thought now. gingers... ok so...yeah...why the word gingers? gingers... my father was one, my mother i have not a clue but posibly irish but heres where it gets strange. i hide behind my step fathers heritage, oh and my grand mothers italian husband. k so yeah i went around telling ppl i was german/italian. ok so once again y "gingers"? can't be a mother complex? pretty sure mother was irish...blondes don't work for me. media made them all look too stupid as i was growing up. then as i was growing up i saw a move that nvr left my head..."the blue lagoon". why that move? (you know some times i wish i had a...really??? duh kaptn genius...desktop recorder...yeah good idea remember to destroy...ah hell. well i know what i mean just can't seem to type it. ) alright so i have no clue (as of no internet atm.! (still need to work on that)). (maybe even a voice recoreder...alrdy know what to do with that.) as to whether brook shields is irish or not. but something about her eyes in that move. her eyes... always her eyes. yeah something about a womans eyes held me captive. and hers...looked like my ...mothers. just shot me now! stephaine was frech??? u loved her...she was exotic. blue eyes! damn! ok so miss poindexter (can't belive i dated some one named poindexter! too damned funny!) brown hair brown eyes. can't quit recall why we brok up. i just remember after we broke up she got with a pron director. i saw her on tv once...and no it wasn't a dvd. it was a talk show...happened while i was out with my new sexual interest. my... god... she was irish and a wiccan...my mother told me once how we we're 4th generation wiccan...so yeah she was IRISH! dad was irish. ok this is really getting me nowhere. so am i having a mother complex? or am i trying to over compensate for lack of a father figure...real father figure till i was 11. so... yeah... abandonment issues? traved alot lived with every body but mom or dad. k so to get this st8 we have a mother complex...mixed seemingly with abandonment issues. mother complex i want to see my mother dead. so y date gingers?...never pictured a single one of them dead (save my mother). actually the thoughts about killing a ginger was put into my head after that syco sandy tried to kill me. and worst yet "can't get that bitch out of my head". (not sure why i put that in qoutes.) i dream of killing her (if i csn find her. i will travel). should have know that a 15yro growing up under a con mans house would come bk to bite me in the ass. ok so lets say i kill her. now what?????.... um as far as u know your mother is still alive...so killing sandy isn't me killing my mother. so why the desire to kill her? ah crap!!!!!! "does she remind you of mother?" . yes. n o i d o n ' t w a n t m om m y... Y? mommy???? god couldn't it have been dad? y about mom? u saw the stuff she did...you knew what it was... the sex! the drugs! ( ) still killing her isn't killing mom so why her? ah, maybe cause she embodies all you hate in ur mother. could be.../ at this point we are switching over to ` root ` user. ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... .. .. .. welcome! (yeah wow "welcome!"... um yeah. so that s what all that .... crap was about? "welcome!". how every disappointing. "welcome!"? "welcome!"? 4get it just move on... geez. ok so why sandy? its like killing your mother n that your killing all things your hate about her. (does that even make any sens?) i mean i know i want my mom dead, but killing sandy can't be like killing her. i want my moms blood on my hands not sandy's. i just wamt to kill sandy. but i can't seem to find her...that'll change soon i hope. i'm rdy 2 travel. ) ok so back to the ? i was last/first trying to figure out. one sec i need to scroll up be right bk (brb). yeah the twitter thing. 1 post 1mil followers (need to see if there is a quiness book of world records for the most followers for a single tweet.) and the name of the post is: help... thats all nothing more. just "help...". does this mean i'm asking for help? or is writing this my help? or in even writing this wondering how many peoeple are reaading what i think my help? perhaps i am perhaps i no longer cares who knows my thoughts heres a thought what is going to make me snap? but i want to kill my boss too as well as sandy...hmmm. so it can't be a mother complex. i can't compare him to my dad...never rlly had 1. and the bum. so maybe its just people that piss me off. so now i hsve anger issues? there was the book i wanted to write once about "1001 acceptable acts of violence in the mall". ok so maybe i do have some anger issues. i know loosing my puter again will make me snap. its the most important thing to me. so is that it? anger issues? seems too easy. the "keys" as a trophy?? but i don't want a trophy from killing sandy. news flash... did it ever occure to you that you may already have a trophy from her. think of the things you still hold on to. all the things she wrote about you, even the things that where about larry as well. why are these important to you? well some of it was my songs that she rewrote. so some of it is about her feelings for me. yep. their a trophy. damn. the "keys" the "writings". what else have i collected? (well not the "keys" as of yet but i can't really stop thinking about them.) but you currently keep all her writings away from you. you had a chance to pick them up today but you didn't why? you know you want to scan them and email them to yourself so you can always have them. but the feeling of the paper she wrote on does something for you. so scanning them wouldn't be the same so y scan them then? you can no longer smell her n/e more on those pages. maybe thats it. but having the pages scanned and making what you need to travel less is the true point. seems likily. speaking of smelling. when its impossible to get away from being near people i always find myself smelling them. ok so a cartoon made me see a light. sad really. the cartoon talked about mother issues that clicked with me. but "naruto" still speaks loudest to me. ok so i figed i hate ppl in general. just walking to go buy some smokes the peoeple i passed i though of killing. thinking about how i'm not to work today. are they linked? (you know i read this thing over and over looking for things i forgot or am not willing to tell as of yet.) (plus it helps to remember the things i sometimes push to the side to be forgotten for days) (i wonder if i do this for the attention but the attention of whom?) (no matter what name i post this under i am still who i choose to be whom ever that maybe.) there was a blog account i hacked cause dumby sent the email to me under my own name ...but i can't remember under which email that was.... i would start blogging under that name but saddly i forget.(trying to fig what email to use woukld be best...maybe create a new one.) k why do i switch tense/gender/type/who owns who with my typing? not rlly sure. maybe its just conviencen typing faster for me att. saturdays suc after noon. i once wanted to write a book sbout intenet short hand...but found some one else had beat me to it. angieslist was my idea first...but sandy told me it was a waste of time. just like the car washing idea i had. both a waste yet look at them today...i really want to kill her. y? why do i want to kill her? ( i think i've given enough clues to as who i am and where i can possibly be found. but i have been remiss as to giving all the answers as to who i am or where i am. ) hack got to luv it!!!!! yeah not the best but i learn quickly. thanx to mom. her need for me to learn. it grew on me so i always wanted to learn from out side sources "knowledge is power". yeah g.i. joe and their endline or intro of thier cartoons...

73 responses to help...

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RE: help...
Posted on October 02, 2011 at 02:52 AM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )

replies: 1

wrote the following:

wow dude! longest post ever!
i only read the first bit. maybe u have ocd.
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- RE: help...
  Posted on October 02, 2011 at 04:01 AM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  i got through most of it till ur mom came to mention.. but i really do know what the first part feels like...
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help...
Posted on October 03, 2011 at 04:56 PM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )

replies: 2

wrote the following:

do i drink more or do i face the monsters that confront me? (k i'll follow mom) (better ? is which mom do i follow? the mother who "abandonded me" or the mother who tried to nurture me??)

   k so the more i look at this from outside all see i still have mother issues.

   fyi the number of spaces i make/use mean nothing to me. they are compltely random. i have no clue as to how many times i hit "enter" (nvr counted n/e of them and don't plan on it.) the spaces are there for dramatic effect. effect, affect...did i use the right word. those two words i can never remember keep straight. effect i remember it that it is used on audio sounds. affect is how we/i/you influnce people. i think. i could try to get on the net and look it up, but i like my definition better.

   niether does killing sandy

   but i atill want to kill her!

   killing her means nothing to me. so y do i want to see her dead?

   k so other thought
   ? of all ?s is "why y does she mean so much to me that i need to see her dead?"
   you know i still haven't figged y

   mother...

   god can i not get away from mother issues?...


   you know whats funny is when you go back and read what you wrote and you find yourself skipping/speeding/passing like "blah, blah ,blah". why the hell would i do that to my own thoughts?

   why did i pick the name "bally hoo". k thinking time.

haven't killed yet.

haven't killed yet.

   work monday or tuesday boss still owes me 150$ need to save money.

   thinking of going on the road.

   easier to find victims if no one knows me.

   ya know a song that keeps getting stuck in my head is mc 900' jesus "too bad".

   "we pass each other by on the same ol' street."
   "but our eyes just don't seem to meet."
   "your an evil perverted menice to society."
   "thats why the world is so lucky to have peoeple like me"
   "who can see that life your has very little worth."
   "and you can now be removed from the face of the earth."
   "i'm coming to see you, but you don't know when."
   "and i'l take you to some place you've never been."

   really need to work on cracking neighbors wifi. why is it i think to read about stuff at the wrong times. still haven't finished that linux book yet. keep forgetting to clean place.

   pam i've tried imaging hurting her, but its always the face from the black lady on familty guy. so yeah it has to be the gingers. but still why the boos? i'm getting lost in my own brain.

   i write this in gedit, but i have the line numbers turned on why? no never mind i got this one. its because i dream of coding saddily i am soo far behind. too much to learn. can't learn fast enough.

   "bally hoo"? too funny.

   k place clean sorta...had a disagreement with some of the trash. sunday...no work no money cause my boss owes me 150$. sucks. i won't beg for money! did it once got 5$ went and bought a burger and some beer. 1 person giving me 5$ for being needy is a far cry from money i conned out of people. i guess i hate the feeling of helplessness. i'm a surviver...asking for help makes me seem weak.

so why post this then?
are you saying that your weak?

   there it is "disappointment".

*side note (i don't remeber writing the line above.)

   k so i rather work than beg. but i still hate people. why? i use to love having ppl around. what changed? what in my life is responsible (can you really saying something like that "what in my life is responsible"?).

   maybe i'll post that story that sandy inspired. well mostly a rewrite cause to orginal got wiped. so this is an older print out i have to rewrite from.

   ok so i really have this "bally hoo" thing stuck in my head. what was i thinking? "bally hoo"? the some1mustdie part i get but "bally hoo"? what the fuc? "bally hoo"......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... i need to think.

   ok so "bally hoo". was it something you heard? saw? imagined?? need to look up "bally hoo" to try understand possibly why. but still "bally hoo"?

i

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*no looking at the lines aboveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tthere thats better.

ah damn! bally hoo!

   is that the name you chose for yourself? "bally hoo"? the potential serial killer "bally hoo" wtf kind is name is that? alright so i'm not gonna get "bally hoo" out of my head. move on.

i wish some times that i could just type "cls" or "clear" in my head and make all the thoughts go away.

   revealation.

sad.

can't make the thoughts go away......................................................................

   so sandy was irish.......................................and she spoke "galic"...............................sigh................

   gingers! grrr. MOTHER. damn i thought i got away from that! "galic" "wiccan" i'm seduced.

   you know i've never been very religous. but something about "wiccans" turns me on.

   ok so i have a conflicting though running around in my head. i love animals. i do the best i can not to hurt them. but, when it comes to dogs i have no problem kiling them. cats!

I LOVE CATS!

   i guess cause they remind me of me?

   srry have to interupt the "cats" (and i love cats).

   figured out y the blank spacing is random. so i could do a kind "cls" or "clear" of what i wrote so in esense i'm clearing my mind of thoughts.

news flash IT DOESN"T WORK!

   so why hurt people? can't answer that yet...or possibly never.

   you know who i haven't talked about is the other person i want to kill. k so i decided i'm just gonna call him the gay guy. i have strange sexual tastes, but being gay is not for me. so why do i want to kill him? i keep thinking of that scene from "heathers" where chicky does a splash down through the glass table. they basically gave her "draino" to drink. i keep thinking of doing that to the gay guy.

   yeah so i want to recreate a scene from a movie. what does that say? ok so sex isn't my motive. what drives me to want to kill these ppl? i find getting off seemingly harder and harder. i keep needing to bring it to the next level to get off but how far is too far? till i actually need to kill someone to get off? so is sex what could eventually drive me to kill?

   "loreta" thats the name of clevelands' wife on family guy.

   so i have a tihng for small breats. mom had small breats. mom was petite. damn mommy issues again....

   alright enough is enough...i just remembered i had dreams of sleeping with my mother!!!! my mother.? this mother thing won't die.

   wheres the gun? i need to shot myself. (yeah right don't have one cause we might acctually just it.) but if i did it would have to be a sniper rifle. another dream lost.............."sniper".

   couldn't get in to the millitary. thx to both mom and dads' drug habbit. fucked me up. medical condition not acceptible. dad both of them where in the military. but noooo not me couldn't get in. ok i'm done talking about this.

clear

   did it work? this time. not all the thoughts just the last one.

   so really? i want to fuck my mother? that is so sad. my mother. so does this mean i want to kill her then fuck her or do i want to fuck her first then kill her? forunate for her i haven't found her yet either. still looking though. still my mother? i need therapy.

   ok so some of you proably think cause i stopped talking about the lost dream i want to avoid that subject. no i just don't want to talk about it at this time.

   so i addressed an "audience" w/e.

   was i expecting one?

   no.....*sings "you never touch me any more this way". so that was random.

   my star!!! damn i haven't seen it in soo long....:(

   i don't know the whole christ on cruches thing made me think about my star.

   sandy, sandy, sandy, sandy...get out of my head!
   the more i try to forget her the more things seem to keep pulling back her memory. shall we look at part of why you can't forget her.

   number one: the writings!
   number two: she reimnds you of...........oh, god.

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   bitch. both of them. mom, sandy. grrr.

   my favorite qoute "we're so broke we can't even pay attention." or something to that degree. so outside of me lossing my puter what else could possibly make me snap? i'm pretty low as is can still get a bit lower, but i know that so i'm ok with it for now (still need a regular full time job). so me getting any lower isn't the snapping point. anger i just finally stop thinking things in my head and go nuts. possible. proably part of why avoid people. cause i'm trying to maintain from actually snapping.

   not sure from which twilight zone its from but the qoute goes some like this "if your sick. see a doctor. if the rents too high and the morgage is too. see a doctor. no miss jones, you see a doctor!". i had a point for all that not sure where it went. oh about how i need to see a doctor. can't afford one. so we just have this. its therapy. but what if we lose this? be damned thinking that way. we won't lose it. lost too many as is. so for a person who doesn't like people want the attention of strangers? your art online, the font you designed. these two things you look at almost everyday to see if more ppl have looked at the art or downloaded the font. ya know this mother shit has got to stop. mommy didn't love me enough so i crave the attention of others but if i want attention then why do i shy away from people? can't answer that one. so thats it you want the attention of millions by posting this blog? now it almosts seems as if i'm trying to make up for past failures. sandy.

   so we still haven't figured out why would we want to kill our boss. is it that i'm jealous that he can be soo dumb and be successful. well theres a new one for the list inadquit (think thats how you spell it). so far we have mother issues, abandoment issues, and now inadqucy issues, attention issues, and the list grows.

   so for the last day i haven't had much in the way of thoughts. keeping my mind busy on how best to get wifi from the neighbor. going to the library is really starting to become of a hassle. rather stay looked up inside my "my4walls". (while i still have them).
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- RE: help...
  Posted on August 25, 2012 at 09:10 PM (UTC) ( 9 months ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  gonna post this under a different post. i want to do nothing in my life. i want to be able to pick up and move at the drop of a dime. i want no possessions. i don't want to worry about what could happen to my possessions. i don't want to worry about money. i wish money didn't even exist. i want to be able to jump into any body of water i want any time i want at anytime of the day. i don't want to have to wake up early. i want to sleep til i wake naturally. i don't want to work for someone else. nor do i want to have anyone working for me. i don't want to collect a pay check, nor do i want to give out one. i don't want to know what tax is. i don't want a mortgage nor do i want to pay rent. i want to squat in a tent on some one else's land. i want to be able to stand outside naked even though it's pouring down rain. i don't want to worry about what or when i will eat. i want to just go with it. i don't want to worry about global warming or the mayan calendar. i don't want to think about terrorism, religious, or racial discrimination. i really don't want to give a fuck about politics or the economy. i want to live without knowing what day or time it is. i don't even want to know what year it is. all i want to know is it's a day and that i'm alive and everything is good. i want to sleep/nap where i fall. i don't want to deal with traffic lights. i don't want to ever see a cop. i don't want to pay insurance. i just want to live life just by being alive. i don't want to do things that cost me money. i want to surf, climb mountains, and swim in the oceans. i want my only bath of the day to be in the ocean. i want there to always be sand where i sleep. i don't want to worry about what i'm going to wear or if i'm naked. nor do i want to worry about whether something is clean or not. i want to eat with my fingers and lick them clean. i don't want to worry about the way i look. i don't want to care if i'm shaven any where of not. i don't want to receive mail be it email, IM, or text. i don't ever want to use a cell phone or any other type of communication that doesn't involve face-to-face interaction. i want to put messages in a bottle and throw them out to sea to see if i ever get a response . even if it takes years of getting nothing. i don't want electricity. i don't want to watch television. i would gladly watch a fire in its stead. i do not want to be afraid. i always want to be spontaneous. i always want to learn from experience. i want to have nothing to lose. just cause i feel this way today and i figured most ppl won't ever read this full post todate. so i'll post it under a me one.
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- RE: help...
  Posted on November 19, 2012 at 07:06 AM (UTC) ( 6 months ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  so yeah its been a really long time since i last wrote. what to write what to say? i'll start with 21 12... i don't care what happens on that that day just as long as something happens. me i'm tired of living. this world has nothing to offer. everything i look forward to ends in an Apocalypse. i just want to go on a killing rampage and die by cop, humanity as waste of space and as waste of being. i hope to all hell that the world goes zombie. least then i have a legit reason for killing ppl ....but yeah that will nvr happen so i'll just go about killing ppl for my own reasons. 21 12 comes goes them me on the rampage how and to witch way?blood on my hands or blood at my feet? never really figgied which i like best... so yeah thats my thoughts on this day... let see what tomorrow will bring...
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re: help...
Posted on October 03, 2011 at 04:57 PM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )

replies: 4

wrote the following:

do i drink more or do i face the monsters that confront me? (k i'll follow mom) (better ? is which mom do i follow? the mother who "abandonded me" or the mother who tried to nurture me??)

   k so the more i look at this from outside all see i still have mother issues.

   fyi the number of spaces i make/use mean nothing to me. they are compltely random. i have no clue as to how many times i hit "enter" (nvr counted n/e of them and don't plan on it.) the spaces are there for dramatic effect. effect, affect...did i use the right word. those two words i can never remember keep straight. effect i remember it that it is used on audio sounds. affect is how we/i/you influnce people. i think. i could try to get on the net and look it up, but i like my definition better.

   niether does killing sandy

   but i atill want to kill her!

   killing her means nothing to me. so y do i want to see her dead?

   k so other thought
   ? of all ?s is "why y does she mean so much to me that i need to see her dead?"
   you know i still haven't figged y

   mother...

   god can i not get away from mother issues?...


   you know whats funny is when you go back and read what you wrote and you find yourself skipping/speeding/passing like "blah, blah ,blah". why the hell would i do that to my own thoughts?

   why did i pick the name "bally hoo". k thinking time.

haven't killed yet.

haven't killed yet.

   work monday or tuesday boss still owes me 150$ need to save money.

   thinking of going on the road.

   easier to find victims if no one knows me.

   ya know a song that keeps getting stuck in my head is mc 900' jesus "too bad".

   "we pass each other by on the same ol' street."
   "but our eyes just don't seem to meet."
   "your an evil perverted menice to society."
   "thats why the world is so lucky to have peoeple like me"
   "who can see that life your has very little worth."
   "and you can now be removed from the face of the earth."
   "i'm coming to see you, but you don't know when."
   "and i'l take you to some place you've never been."

   really need to work on cracking neighbors wifi. why is it i think to read about stuff at the wrong times. still haven't finished that linux book yet. keep forgetting to clean place.

   pam i've tried imaging hurting her, but its always the face from the black lady on familty guy. so yeah it has to be the gingers. but still why the boos? i'm getting lost in my own brain.

   i write this in gedit, but i have the line numbers turned on why? no never mind i got this one. its because i dream of coding saddily i am soo far behind. too much to learn. can't learn fast enough.

   "bally hoo"? too funny.

   k place clean sorta...had a disagreement with some of the trash. sunday...no work no money cause my boss owes me 150$. sucks. i won't beg for money! did it once got 5$ went and bought a burger and some beer. 1 person giving me 5$ for being needy is a far cry from money i conned out of people. i guess i hate the feeling of helplessness. i'm a surviver...asking for help makes me seem weak.

so why post this then?
are you saying that your weak?

   there it is "disappointment".

*side note (i don't remeber writing the line above.)

   k so i rather work than beg. but i still hate people. why? i use to love having ppl around. what changed? what in my life is responsible (can you really saying something like that "what in my life is responsible"?).

   maybe i'll post that story that sandy inspired. well mostly a rewrite cause to orginal got wiped. so this is an older print out i have to rewrite from.

   ok so i really have this "bally hoo" thing stuck in my head. what was i thinking? "bally hoo"? the some1mustdie part i get but "bally hoo"? what the fuc? "bally hoo"......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... i need to think.

   ok so "bally hoo". was it something you heard? saw? imagined?? need to look up "bally hoo" to try understand possibly why. but still "bally hoo"?

i

g
i
v
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u
p
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*no looking at the lines aboveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tthere thats better.

ah damn! bally hoo!

   is that the name you chose for yourself? "bally hoo"? the potential serial killer "bally hoo" wtf kind is name is that? alright so i'm not gonna get "bally hoo" out of my head. move on.

i wish some times that i could just type "cls" or "clear" in my head and make all the thoughts go away.

   revealation.

sad.

can't make the thoughts go away......................................................................

   so sandy was irish.......................................and she spoke "galic"...............................sigh................

   gingers! grrr. MOTHER. damn i thought i got away from that! "galic" "wiccan" i'm seduced.

   you know i've never been very religous. but something about "wiccans" turns me on.

   ok so i have a conflicting though running around in my head. i love animals. i do the best i can not to hurt them. but, when it comes to dogs i have no problem kiling them. cats!

I LOVE CATS!

   i guess cause they remind me of me?

   srry have to interupt the "cats" (and i love cats).

   figured out y the blank spacing is random. so i could do a kind "cls" or "clear" of what i wrote so in esense i'm clearing my mind of thoughts.

news flash IT DOESN"T WORK!

   so why hurt people? can't answer that yet...or possibly never.

   you know who i haven't talked about is the other person i want to kill. k so i decided i'm just gonna call him the gay guy. i have strange sexual tastes, but being gay is not for me. so why do i want to kill him? i keep thinking of that scene from "heathers" where chicky does a splash down through the glass table. they basically gave her "draino" to drink. i keep thinking of doing that to the gay guy.

   yeah so i want to recreate a scene from a movie. what does that say? ok so sex isn't my motive. what drives me to want to kill these ppl? i find getting off seemingly harder and harder. i keep needing to bring it to the next level to get off but how far is too far? till i actually need to kill someone to get off? so is sex what could eventually drive me to kill?

   "loreta" thats the name of clevelands' wife on family guy.

   so i have a tihng for small breats. mom had small breats. mom was petite. damn mommy issues again....

   alright enough is enough...i just remembered i had dreams of sleeping with my mother!!!! my mother.? this mother thing won't die.

   wheres the gun? i need to shot myself. (yeah right don't have one cause we might acctually just it.) but if i did it would have to be a sniper rifle. another dream lost.............."sniper".

   couldn't get in to the millitary. thx to both mom and dads' drug habbit. fucked me up. medical condition not acceptible. dad both of them where in the military. but noooo not me couldn't get in. ok i'm done talking about this.

clear

   did it work? this time. not all the thoughts just the last one.

   so really? i want to fuck my mother? that is so sad. my mother. so does this mean i want to kill her then fuck her or do i want to fuck her first then kill her? forunate for her i haven't found her yet either. still looking though. still my mother? i need therapy.

   ok so some of you proably think cause i stopped talking about the lost dream i want to avoid that subject. no i just don't want to talk about it at this time.

   so i addressed an "audience" w/e.

   was i expecting one?

   no.....*sings "you never touch me any more this way". so that was random.

   my star!!! damn i haven't seen it in soo long....:(

   i don't know the whole christ on cruches thing made me think about my star.

   sandy, sandy, sandy, sandy...get out of my head!
   the more i try to forget her the more things seem to keep pulling back her memory. shall we look at part of why you can't forget her.

   number one: the writings!
   number two: she reimnds you of...........oh, god.

i

d
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t

w
a
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m
om
m
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   bitch. both of them. mom, sandy. grrr.

   my favorite qoute "we're so broke we can't even pay attention." or something to that degree. so outside of me lossing my puter what else could possibly make me snap? i'm pretty low as is can still get a bit lower, but i know that so i'm ok with it for now (still need a regular full time job). so me getting any lower isn't the snapping point. anger i just finally stop thinking things in my head and go nuts. possible. proably part of why avoid people. cause i'm trying to maintain from actually snapping.

   not sure from which twilight zone its from but the qoute goes some like this "if your sick. see a doctor. if the rents too high and the morgage is too. see a doctor. no miss jones, you see a doctor!". i had a point for all that not sure where it went. oh about how i need to see a doctor. can't afford one. so we just have this. its therapy. but what if we lose this? be damned thinking that way. we won't lose it. lost too many as is. so for a person who doesn't like people want the attention of strangers? your art online, the font you designed. these two things you look at almost everyday to see if more ppl have looked at the art or downloaded the font. ya know this mother shit has got to stop. mommy didn't love me enough so i crave the attention of others but if i want attention then why do i shy away from people? can't answer that one. so thats it you want the attention of millions by posting this blog? now it almosts seems as if i'm trying to make up for past failures. sandy.

   so we still haven't figured out why would we want to kill our boss. is it that i'm jealous that he can be soo dumb and be successful. well theres a new one for the list inadquit (think thats how you spell it). so far we have mother issues, abandoment issues, and now inadqucy issues, attention issues, and the list grows.

   so for the last day i haven't had much in the way of thoughts. keeping my mind busy on how best to get wifi from the neighbor. going to the library is really starting to become of a hassle. rather stay looked up inside my "my4walls". (while i still have them).
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- RE: help...
  Posted on March 02, 2012 at 01:38 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  kelly,
  
  can you hear me?
  
  kelly?
  
  oh i think you can hear me.
  
  i poes to you a question.
  
  "if a man could give you everything you want, but theres just one problem he won't marry you as along as you have surviving children by other men. Your all rdy in the poor house with your kids. one is alrdy getting into trouble at school. How long can you a single mother keep them safe? Stay poor and try to save them or give them a painless death? (you can always have More!!!).
  
  'no matter which you chose someone loses the first is fast and painless...and the second, well time holds the answer to that one all though i do think it will be short.'
  
  so kelly which would you pick?
  
  (i know her to well she would pick poor with her children. shes proud but mostly she's proud of her children no matter thier faults. Money, prestige, nope.would have to be some thing more or better to break her.)
  
  drugs...
  
  (um.........................................................................do you REALLY want another drugged out chick?)
  
  No (thats right!)
  
  'poison'
  
  stay away....
  
  don't answer the call...
  
  damn that question again...
  
  how long?
  
  breaik!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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- RE: help...
  Posted on May 22, 2012 at 03:34 AM (UTC) ( 12 months ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  (i was originally writing something else here. 'BUT' i lost it well not totally i mean its saved some where on my computer . just need to remember where.) ok point int the writing of this. been checking out dating sites. haven't joined any of them as of yet. but it lets you send a free 'wink'. i've always wondered what was in the winks that didn't let you pick how you wanted to approach a person. i found out.......funny really, i mean REALLY funny. it was "wink wink". that is too damned funny. "wink wink" its finally been achieved. bad 70's porn emails. its the whole guy in the bar in the bad out fit winking at the chick he is soon to be fucking.(most likely in the bathroom of the bar.) and this is suppost to get her attention. right. nothing says hey lets re-enact a bad 70's pron like a "wink wink". that's sure to get the ladies running into your arms. w/e. guessing maybe should pass on the whole online dating thing............ got a new story i'm writing. yeah still haven't touched the other one and here i go starting another one. got two chapters already written and a title for the third. still working out how to bring in the new character for this chapter. i still think about killing him. haven't talked about in awhile. came up with a way to kill him and make it look like and accident do to the result of pissed off mother nature. now will you go through with it. problem. how to lure him in? gotta think on that. EOL
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- RE: help...
  Posted on September 16, 2012 at 06:24 AM (UTC) ( 8 months ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  OK................................................. GAY gUY...........YEAH I DI IT..............sue me..... NOT EXACTLY THE BEST OF IDEAS. but it didn't start with him this is new gay guy. not sure why or how. new gay guy chatted me up HE HAD TO BE PUSH ING AL E AS T 60 funny above was so into what i was typing looking at the keyboard and all didn;t notice what had typed . and no i don't edit myself except that 1 time... i had a really good reason...! NOT THAT YOU WOUlD CARE. (OH SOOO NOW THE FUCCCKING CAPS!!!!! I HATE THIS KuEYBOARD...SEE I CAN'T EVEN SPELL KEYBOARD ON THIS FUCKING THING.... enough with the caps already (typed like 4 fucking times cause of stupid caps lock ) \ so back to the NIGHT. wrong in too many ways. went to new gay guy's house "weed" #1 reason....get weed and made sketchy t that. hit his place all was going well shortly after room woke up. me and roomie smoked a fattie.he had scored some coke for him me roomie comed out and up and he went suddenly to the rest room "for 20 fucking minutes." so yeah that screamed "run while you still can". so i ditched. stoned as fuck or laced not quite sure didn't feel like a weed high. felt more intense ..... hence the reason (now some smug ass indvidual is going to make a drugs made me do it reference..... FYI sober i AM SOOOOO MUCH MORE SEXUALLY SICK.if you'd like the list of my depravities simply reply i'll gladly tell any ear that begs to listen a tale of a wanten killer. DRUNK I"M JUST FRIENDLIER. now i'm just in a mood..........................HE WAS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! nestea splash right through a fucking glass table that's how i imagine him dying after i give him a glass of "draino" sooo why did i do it......? asking myself the same damned ? got no answer....maybe i "actually"liked it.... sick if i did. not gay i just like to be dirty. its not like i'm ever going to be lucky enough to ever actually have a kid. so let me get my sick on. all it means is i get to cum. (for what little it does.) yeah sooo never got to how old gay guy got into te picture. shortly after ditching new gay guy i stumbled home and passed out for a bit. when i came to i checked my phone asnd saw a nmber i didn't know. called it. turns out its old gay guy. so yeah invited over... did bad things...(never got off by the way)........waiting masterbate or cheat whore site....(he had to leave left the oven on dumbass) so yeah thats how he wound up here......don't know what i was thinking i CAN'T HAVE HIM HERe IF I PLAN TO KILL HIM......SHIT..!!!! well thats a MAJOR FUCK UP! D N FUCKING A. way to go stupid...he knows where you live and he has a fucking GPS shit syttem in his car...."CAN WE SAY KILL HIM YOUR FUCKED!!!!" maybe no one will link him to me,,,phone records..... phone's bogus name... credit card's not.... stilll......... can't get around his fucking GPS. ? info stored on GPS or carrier server? GPS easy fix. carrier...problem. so the guy i want to kill was here worst yeah i sucked his dick as he did mine, but still. i don't like him i in fact want to kill him, yet i did these things....maybe it was the drugs... that prevented me from killing him,. had i been sober i would have killed him and worried later about the issues. being fucked up made me lax weak almost..(so not a self descriptor i like to use.) its funny how erect i can get when i think of standing over the body of some one i just killed. sexual satisfaction comes harder and harder everyday. one day soon the gun shot of my revolution will start... pray there's a quick end
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- RE: help...
  Posted on September 18, 2012 at 07:05 AM (UTC) ( 8 months ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  k so there's this gay guy SO trying to get me to hook him up with what ever. hes all trying to get me to payout 40$ for god knows what. won't do it.my money is reserved for my main weed dealer...i won't betray him nor will i front for something/someone i dun know. yeah so once again here i am with some fucked gay guy..... him don't want to kill yet...working on it... saddily he smells sweet...but the urge to kill him is growing. he like the bad drug ur mother warned you about but you can't keep away. hopeing he forgets where i live...little promise in that saddily.he claims to own a number of furinture stores..pesronally i think he full of shit. 1 hes always asking me for money...um yeah right con... 2 he's always making excuses as to why he has no money... 3 i'm a con and can read ppl and all i read from him is con con con. why if you OWN a bunch of furniture stores would you be asking for cash? really how dumb do you think i am??? so now hes off to get some said drugs...to which he has no money for cause i didn't give it. will he return? me hopes not...i hope he heads home and leaves me to mine. . another thought from the revailed bush... really has my life come to this??? crap bi encounters and dreaming of killing these ppl. when am i actually gonna kill one????? what the fuck am i waiting for???? kill these SOB'S already. am i afraid? am i sacred? why don't i kill them?????? fuck1 fuck! fuck! all i can smell is him...... sickly sweet is all i can smell...him him who i want to kill.... i can't get his smell outa my head..... bastard, bitch, shit, fuck, SOB leave me alone..... nothings working i can still smell him no matter what. i need freedom but where can i find it with him in my nose????? kill him.... smell won'rt go away.... its all over me.... fucking smell. suicide/ nah kill him first. but the fuck smell remains.... if only someone could help me...fat chance on that. i'm stuck with this smell... eve if i kill him i/m stuck. what to do what to do? way i figgy it GOd ( if there is one must really hate me.) so to put me through this shit (guess its his way of laughing at me,) guess what FUCK YOU! i'll deal with your games and laugh the whole way through. i "won't be beat by something that don't exist." god is meerly a tool for which man can control man. i won't be a part of that. kk i'm done for now...
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RE: help...
Posted on December 12, 2011 at 05:28 PM (UTC) ( over 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

so i responded to a few post here. not sure if it helped, hurt, or if it ever gets read. but thats what i've been doing this morn since there is no work today. blah. i really wanted to work.
read a few post about being depressed. i can relate. suiicide. to some its a reset button. a chance to possibly start over. others its a fast track to hell. others its simply darkness. me its darkness. theres peace in the darkness. i've equated death to getting mad drunk passing out and blacking out you don't dream. just lie there til your body recovers. except in death its just black no dreams, no bright light, just a eternal silence. so...umm...yeah. i think i'll leave it there for now.
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RE: help...
Posted on February 27, 2012 at 06:19 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

more coming soon if your into reading books of a sort. this my story about how i plan to kill certain people, in a hopes by telling this it will be what keeps me from doing n/ething bad.
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RE: help...
Posted on February 28, 2012 at 08:37 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 2

wrote the following:

thought...

                ppl speak of porn. now i pose to you the reader a ? ?

                                                define porn...

i'm waiting....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

porn the PHYCIAL PENERTRATION OF THE PENIS INTO THE VAGINA, ASS (ONLY CAUSE I CAN'T SPELL THE OTHER WORD............................................ANUS....)

OR MOUTH. But thats not the only kind of porn...

think of it like this...

                k before i go any further. i need to look up a few things so i don't put my foot in my mouth.

                i man if i go any further (research..._). No one would believe i do plan on killing these people. (srry fbi moment didn't i capitalize "do" for emphasis....? y leave it lower case? what's the thinking?). there really is none i just noticed i used lower case verse upper case and thought if a person was serious about doing something such as killing a person would they not capitalize it? so simply because i did not capitalize "do" does this mean i'm serious or full of shit?

i'm serious.

it’s just a matter of when.

                on some level i believe that by writing this blog it will help "keep me" from actually killing these individuals. but on a deeper level, the word "no" seems to ring...so what other inner demon is this yet undiscovered? k so a number of "issues" (yes a gay/chick word. sue me!) main issue...mother complex. once again we return to...

gingers.

sandy,

mom,

sandy=8yrs

"Cheating Whore!"

                                                                (yes i hit enter only enough times so that sandy=8yrs could see it. (strange not sure what road this goes down.))

funny i wanted to write a book about sandy. funny the blog is turning slowly into a book still about her but only about how much i want to kill her and what lengths i'm willing to go through to do it (in the event simply putting to type my thoughts could help me as i can't afford a psychologist and the net is free ppl give advice some good some bad...it’s up to us to decide which is which. no one ever chooses all the right answers...only a few a right most are wrong and thats how we learn what is right.

                (to anyone who thinks to complain about how I can’t seemingly hold a thought. “ITS MY BLOG AND I”LL WRITE IT N/EWAY I SEE FIT!!!”)

Late introduction will have to rewind ex plain this.

remember about 6xs touching. why 6xs letting him touch me. tryin to push him to hit me so i could. respond in self-defense...and he accidently dies whiles i'm defending myself. 62 yro fucking up my perfect murder. me no longer working for him and how he is having all kinds of trouble now...reasons thanksgiving, ex-wife, 62 yro dumb fuck, me quitting....i could be friend/lie to him get back into his good graces but not work for him but be his ear and then some. i then could get inside and get the info that i want and i could destroy him, finanatually, emotionally.



                                                K back to gingers…

                30 rock (tells ya how old I am) liz lemon does like a speed dating thing and runs into the guy time and time again an hes all on about “fate”.

So it got me thinking to about how I 1^st met sandy. It was on my way to a park. I was on my bmx racing bike (as I’m a little guy and these bike are a good fit). I passed these 2 young gettho looking chicks 15-16 at tops. They hit me up to buy them some smokes…

I do.

                I give them their smokes and begin to ride off. About a block or two later I stop and make a quick U back to where I last saw the girls.

                I get there and their gone.

                Weeks maybe months pass. Running around old places I know I find my kind. An old open air mall. It has the best arcade opened late with the best games. That’s where I find them. My night ppl. B it they are young most of them, few drive, most r defiant, but all do the same things smoke drink fuck pop pills and things I aint nvr seen. But I’m getting off topic spme how someway that thugly ginger with the killer eyes was dressed all in black and hanging all over me. I made a statement to her about the buying herr smokes thing. Letting her know it was “fate” that we should met this time again. “We Where Meant To Be!”

I was sooooooooo WRONG!

                What “fate” had brought together was doomed from the start.

                I thought this second chance meeting was “fate”. (so did she for about 2 weeks).

                (I’m pissed but I’m older and I’m a man. So I play off it when “fate deams I should find her again at a party. While I’m busy drinking a 1.75l of vodak and cran with a 5’2” version of gwen stephony in a classic victorian gothic dress. 3 days later shes at my front door.

(this is one of the points in my life I wish (if there is a god) would have killed me/ smiten me/ something other than let me live through that. For eight years. If hell is like that…

                I’m killing what makes up my hell.

I haven’t writen in a while cause peace was found….

Then the peace was shattered.

                Another in the growing list….

                (how to keep them from looking like a serial murderer?)

So far as I know I can think of nothing that links me to all these people.

                Certain ones will have to die certain ways.

                Question? Who first?

Don’t really have an answer to that one as yet I think it would be more of a crime of opportunity, but certain ppl have to die certain ways that won’t change.

                Really funny thought. Police person spends 10 yrs working a case. After ten years cop person catches the bad guy. Cop thinks hes won “ I caught the bad guy”. Proclaimed over and over. But heres the, the thing a bad guy that likes to be in the spotlight and still destroy some one would get off hardcore on getting arrested after so long.

                Reason:

                                They are god in that police persons life. Every case from this point on in their police career will be compared to your case. YOUR CASE. You my friend ARE sick!!!!!

                                Kinda like it….

That really is funny.

That publically made statement ‘WHAT?!?!?’. That cops life is forever ruined. Just like the story of the gun slinger who nvr killed. He always found a way to save every one.

                Heres the thing the story is kinda like a jesus vs the devil (where the devil is his brother). Thing

The story goes much deeper. (this is a sort of an explaination of how the bad guy becomes god.)

                Story stasrts in space. Two children not born of man angels so to speak. Brought up by this woman. (theres a great qouate that fits here. Its from the “CROW” starring Brandon Lee”. It goes something along the lines of “Mother is the name for God on the lips of children”.) So in essance to these two children she was their idea of God. Instead of calling them jesus and the devil lets call them cain and able. Where the one named (want to jokingly put the whole name verse the short form) “Vash the stampde”(forgot to mention why the flip cain able thing. One night vash had the chance to kill “Knives” but (Rem.) God’s words echoed through his head. “No one has the right to take the life ofanother.” So he dosen’t kill his brother.) He is the flip of the bible cain and the other is able gone bad. Knives. Knives (satan, Able (gone bad)). Sets all the computers on the “seed” ships to crash land on this desert planet in the hopes to kill all the humans who fled a dying earth. So that he and his brother ciould have their own eden, but the one they refered to as God commited one last act (or so was thought) saved a good percentage of the humans. To Knives dismay. The two of them survive in the escape pod they jetesunded in. Knives confesses to Vash about how it was him who caused all the ships to crash. Vash him don’t get along but brother knives is all he has atm. Yr 3 Knives makes them both a set of guns. Gives the white gun to vash and he keeps black. They speperate. Knives goes his way with the intent of killing all the surviving humans. Vash with the intent to save everyone. But not before he lost his left arm in a gun fight with his brother, and forced to use his utimate weapon to destroy a town. Because of this fact he has a reward of 60,000,000,000 double dollars on his head. He tries to avoid conflict but trouble always finds him. But no matter the problem in his weird and stupid way he saves everyone.

                His brother. Knives. Employs a number of gifted gun slingers refered to as “Demons” or as the “Gun Ho Guns”. (fallen angels for those of you who can’t follow along.) He constantly tests and teases his brother vash to get pissed enough to finally kill a person. He uses his demons to kill numbers of ppl in front of vash in the hopes he will break and finally kill. He fights them all saves everyone with out killing them (but they where in facted killed by their own ppl (said in a monty python sorta way). ). Finally he gets to his number one gun slinger. “Blades”

(hold it I forgot some one.) “Wolfgaingh”

(he was judas turn good. (cause he had a chance to bertray and kill him but chose to fight and die up holding the belief that everyone could be saved.)) (just info/filler.)\

                “Blades” is like the left hand of the devil verse the (that’s y ppl don’t like lefties its engrained into our society.) right hand of god.

                Plot twist: not only is “Blades” “Knives” left hand demon he also has vashes “LEFT ARM”. Giving him sudo angelic powers. Vash refushes to kill “Blades” after a tuff gun battle. Beat, bruised, bleeding…from protecting ppl from “Blades” gun and powers….yet he still refuses to kill blade all while trying to save everyone.

                Then it happens…

                                                                THE REAL TEST OF GOD.

                                                                                                Will he kill?

                                                                                                                God said “No one has ther right to take the life of another.” He has lived by these words for over 107 years. (at this point I should acknowldge that I have left out other parts of the story. Not because they fail to met the biblical explaination. They do just trying to get you to watch the show its self snd think if I’m right about it.) k witrh that said.



                Vash had a love interest (which he didn’t really know he had, but “Blades” did). “Blades got a hold of his unknownst love and her best friend and was having them beaten and shot at. (other point because “Blades” has “Vashes” left arm attached to his body he is 80% as powerful as Vash (only because he knows how to use the powers of the arm. Where vash has no clue how to use those powers. He is able to activate the ture powers of the gun vash carries while in vashes hand, Vash is able to beat back “Blade’s” power over the gun and wound him in the process. “Blades” though wounded still has the power of vashes left arm. He uses that power to still control the people threating in his friends. Telling him “Kill me and all this stops(ends).”

                Vash has his gun to “Blades’” head. Thinking.

Thinking.

Thinking.

“How Do T Save Them All?”

                                “kill me and this all ends.”

“NO!, it goes against God!”

                                “kill me and this all ends.” Echoing, ringing, drowning out every other thought.

                                “kill me and this all ends.”

                “No!, God said it. “No one has the right to end the life of another.” “I, can’t kill!” “ I will break my promise to God.!?!?!?” “I just can’t let my friends die right in front of me.” (his brother is watching all this take place some place far away. Smiling to himslef. Giggling gleefully. Knowing this is the point to which he becomes god in his brothers life.) Hes at a loss “What do I do?” “ I can save them all…can I? can I really do it? Am I wrong just this once?” all the while the voice echoes “kill me and this all ends.”

“ I can save them…right? Theres no way…””one death to save the many””. “one justifiable sin?” “Kill one person to save hundreds, the thousands.”

                                “God what do I do? I haves followed all you have said for over 107 years”. “I have never killed as single person.” (unknown realization all the ppl he met on his journeys helped him to better understand what god meant, and how to live with his decision.)



                                                The point has come when his brother wins.

His gun still held to “Blades” head…he closes his eyes, and imagines god 1 last time…and pulls the trigger.

                He wakes days later unsure of what he has done only to realize he has killed a man with his own hand…he has broken his promise to god. He killed a man. His brother finally found the one thing to make him break and his brother will know this and will forever be god cause he beat and broke all his brother held dear.He killed a man. No more can he brag about saving everyone…he has killed, he is now no longer any different.

                So in point of it all that’s how a crimanal could become a god. Works really well if the cop is like 60 and has been on the case for 20 years. (wow so surpriesed I for got this part. No matter the age of the cop if they have been on the case for say 5 yrs or more. No matter the age. 5 yrs these are land mark cases. So that’s the crazy logic to it but real actually surprised to find how few killers have found a revalaince in that.

Stuff I think about when I have time.

                Totally off subject but just a thought…about how god can come in so many forms. Its all about what is your greatest aspiration. What won’t you do to get to your goals? Wow how best to say this? A very small percentage of copes will spend as many as 5 yrs on a case. So any case that has taken over 5 yrs is a land mark in said officers careeer. Of the few that get 5 year land mark case all will be forever be compared to that case. EVERY FAILURE WILL BE FOREVER COMPARED TO MY CASE. I AM YOUR GOD.

                Hear the echos of failure….

                                                                                You’re not as sharp as you where on ‘blah blah’ case.

‘GoD’

                                                                                “Wow, a seasoned vet like you with ‘blah blah’ case under your belt, “Missed this”!

‘disappointment,…

                (thoughts of doubt. When I was working case ‘blah blah’. I was ace. I can’t…I can’t be this wrong. “Everything I do from now on will be compared to this my greatest acopmlishment.)”

‘God’

                “I’m 40 yrs old. This was my big case. These casses come once in a life time to break a case like this. (subconciesiouslious he was worried that every faulure will be judged by the work he did on that once in a life time case. ‘Crook’ wins. ‘GoD’ Reason y “Knives” became vashes god. Vash now felt eternal pain for having killed a man and “Knives” was the sole reasom. But vash killed a man with his own hand…he broke ‘God’s law…

                                                He killed.

                His brother is now god because he was forced to sin because he could find no way out. He prided himself as nvr having killed a man, but

‘there was no way’

                                …(eyes closed)

                                …(Imagines GoD)

                                …cries one singular tear.

                                …a squeeze…

                                                White.

                                GoD fades…

                                                “I failed you!”

                                                This is where I choose to end my story
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- RE: help...
  Posted on February 28, 2012 at 09:12 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  what are the things stop me from killing?
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- RE: help...
  Posted on February 28, 2012 at 02:31 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  the stroy of "vash the stamped" or "trigun" for u animie freaks, the would be christ if jesus was born a gun slinger. tempted and beaten, redemedded by his father (mother in this case. begin they only knew a mother, not a father.) who promised god he woud look after his brother. Promises to take care of his brother, but 1 other ? rang in side his head.
  
  this from Wolfghainghn.
  
  "what will you do when you find "Knives"?"
  
  "Knives" the one who destroyed everything. the 1 person who got him to kill. his brother. "GoD" had forgiven him before, "GoD" knew which path her child would take and had told him all along. your choice you have free will. i have faith you will make the right choice. (all the ppl he met on most recent trip. where her angels guiding him) she for gave him his tresspass of murder. telling hi8m the was no win/win this time. but you chose well. you chose the many veruse the one. "I promisw you mother I will never make the same mistake again. Iwill save my brother."
  
  guess you cou;d almost chalk this up to a greek tragedy.
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RE: help...
Posted on February 28, 2012 at 04:31 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 1

wrote the following:

I FOUND her the perfevt girl.

just 1 problem.

she lives in thailand.

'suicde club' poster on her wall. yeah i'm in.
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- RE: help...
  Posted on February 28, 2012 at 05:08 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  thing that sucks about hacking. sometimes you get lucky, break a code get keys to the kingdom.but when its luck like that you tend to forget how you got there. same with my love...(c above posting). oh well next.
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RE: help...
Posted on February 28, 2012 at 05:35 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

it'll take a while, but when "help..." keeps popping up someone will read it all. and maybe that someone could be my saving grace.

Or the worse possible demon. tick tock. the clock is running. which do u chose? which will you believe? or we just wait and see. 'i vote just wait and see'.

any one else?
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RE: help...
Posted on February 29, 2012 at 03:44 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 1

wrote the following:

i was writing about "fate" earlier.

Wow! (its all i can say).

the guy i want to kill. called today. out of curiousity i answered.

why?

he asks me a question...question is answered with bar tender i use to work with and that i liked (save her million kids).

she wants to hang out and shes single.

shes the female version of vash. where ever she goes trouble seems to follow (although i don't she ever saved anyone other than herself.)

but she is so cute with her crooked smile, her bubbly attitude, her same thinking as me. she talks to me like a brother (but one she would evetually fuck). house of cards....

shes a future with no future.

will i actually chase this/her?

everything i've worked for. gone.

she wanted to know if i was close so she/i could come over/go over. I wanted so much to have her here.

this is so not gonna turn out well.
it was bound to happen.

shes not right....shes a poison...she is sandy all over again...so why do you want her?

its the crooked smile....its all i can think of.

shes bad.

shes a tempation i don't need.

i need sometime.
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- RE: help...
  Posted on February 29, 2012 at 05:30 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )
  
  replies: 1
  
  wrote the following:
  
  he would have never called if 'she' wans;t looking for me.
  
  she wants me....after all this time...(kids)...stilll that cute crooked smile. i'm making it again.... could she be another sandy? fate?
  
  fate?
  
  NO. NOT AGAIN!
  
  kelly will not become my new sandy.
  
  FUCK!...
  
  woret part is I'd cling to her....
  
  shit .
  
  fuck....
  
  DAMNIT SHES "MOM"......
  
  holy shity shes mom....
  
  "who first?"
  
  me thinks she wins.
  
  poor kelly.
  
  i guess mommy goes first.
  
  next is how?
  
  i want to see her last crooked smile. i don't want it wrecked by shock or horror. i want her smiling when she dies.
  
  this
  
  this
  
  this, this, this...is bad...
  
  i want to date her for the sole purpose of killing her.(she knows i like her...she scouting). now she has my number.....
  
  fuck.
  
  how soon b4 the calls start.
  
  how soon before i answer.?
  
  she has me over a barrel and 'she' knows it.
  
  i'm over it it!
  
  let her piss all over every tree....awww whom am i kidding.
  
  she lays it down, all wet pink, and brown. creampie.
  dude no!! (she pops out babies like a factory).
  
  its going to be the death of some one .
  
  fate...
  
  i have a question.
  
  Why her?
  
  are you seriously trying to drive me to murder?
  
  well????.....
  
  are you???
  
  the gods hate me....
  
  why do they want to see me with her?...there is no future with her. but my body aches for her.
  
  time out!
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  - RE: help...
    Posted on February 29, 2012 at 10:58 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )
    
    replies: 0
    
    wrote the following:
    
    she is the second coming of the devil.
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RE: help...
Posted on March 01, 2012 at 03:49 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 1

wrote the following:

I HAD TO CALL AND ASK.

stupi, stupid, stupid...

"how did she get there (where did you met her?)"

'his' answer. "i don't know she was just there."

"did she come with a friends of urs?"
"i don't know."
"did you met her in a bar?"
"i don't know, she was just there."

exasperated "fine pas laong my number."

"she took your number last night."
"you got her number?"
"No."

Ow that burns. he he he.

damned hind site.

shes still POISON.

the calls are coming.
how soon... its wedensday call was yesterday. 1 day so far.
no call.

you know shes gona call when shes all drunk and horny.
yep.

thats how its gona happen cause thats how i'd do it and she's like me.

its almost like fortunte telling i can see my own possible miserible furture.

date her.
kill her.
date her.
kill her.

which one?

need time to think...

bbl.
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- RE: help...
  Posted on March 03, 2012 at 12:22 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )
  
  replies: 0
  
  wrote the following:
  
  ?
  
  its a funny question. was looking at a picture i drew as fan art.
  So in the picture i gave her a tat of #69 and for whatever reason i had a strange thought. "how is that translated now some 5 yrs ago. 5 yrs are you crazy only just that long....technology. on a phone # means pound (insert perve thought here. don't mind if i do....#(ponud)69. alll i get is 'pound 69'' sounds like a plan so whos 69? but the meaning be him it was a play on the #69. it wae/is meant to be in fact number 69 (as in she like 69'ing). ok so maybe it wasm't as funny as i thought but i still had to ask.
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RE: help...
Posted on March 03, 2012 at 01:39 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

so i have this web page where i display my art. have had it for about 3-4 yrs now. doesn't get much traffic. Maybe 1 or 2 visits every few days. my most popular piece is one i didn't even draw thanks the the magic of photoshop i made 2 changes to the pic. its posted under fan art but really i did nothing to it snd my real art gets over looked, sooo maybe by witiring that blog i couold solve some other personal isuses. (damn bitch word again!)

here it comes.

god, really????

a joournal about me begin a bleeding starving artist? (i am hungry...2nights left. keep thinking that.) another attempt a immortality on the web? here your anon (no imortallity there sucker) there you posted everything basically anon as well (bust u lose again.)

ah either way whether i'm know or not its immortallity. so :P.

commenting on my own art (no different than you talking to yourself) , talking about its back ground (could be interesting.)

still need to think about it.

i will now take this time to think.
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RE: help...
Posted on March 04, 2012 at 07:45 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

out of boredom i selected random phrases from my first post and using a hacker type search it turns out that i'm the only person in this world to put certain prhases online first.

'i will always be number one in a search for those phrases.' (k, so is this like some kind of god complex? #1 in a google search for those few phrases?)

still funny any one else who puts those words on the web. will be echoing me. (so, yeah its now a mother complex, abandement issues, anger issues, we now have a god complex..............)

i took psychology in college. no wonder i dropped it i can'rt fix my own head how can i possibly fix others. (i'm still working out the kinks as you can see from the above postings.)

monday is when 'hell' finally ends. i move into my new place no more sqwatting. (been here almost a year.) no water the last 3 weeks. sucs. still have power, cable, and most importantly internet.no more "cloak and dagger" shit. i like to be invisible but this living is no fun. time is a fast fading thing here. not sure how much longer i could stay if i wans't moving monday.

time for a break.
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RE: help...
Posted on March 07, 2012 at 01:24 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

k. so first night in new place went well. too drunk too tired to care.

2nd night,

'whats that sound?'
'why is that dog barking?'
why am i hearing voicies just out side my door?'
'voices coming throught the windows?'
peeking out the window like before to see if anyones is out there.

I HAVE GONE PARANOID.

this place is strange with its sounds.  the shape. its all Wrong.
But I have to get use to it. its my new place.

THIS,

is

Bad.

was thinking of making a bomb to blow up one of the ppl on my list.  the delivery is perfect. no way to trace it back to me. :P. (no i won't tell how. that screams attrest me now.) w/e. no telling. nees to test designs. boo.
no fun.

k i'm leaving now.
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RE: help...
Posted on March 07, 2012 at 03:18 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

k sooo watching porn. (insert laugh here. we all know what i was up to.)
watching some compilation stuff. "cream pies and squirters" 'two of my favor things.' m/eways guy blows a cream pie. (almost lost this thought.) he and chicky "kiss". how...what the hell do i call it? i mean strippers, hookers, prostitues, calls girls, whores, (i'm thinking take whores back.?.?.?.?, )

k so heres the point. i've had a few hookers. (3. only two of which i actually ended fucking. the last i just got a good feel.)

the forwmally named above "DO NOt KISS." "Ever."

my ? 'why?'

my reasoning:

you let a man stick his penis inside you and in some cases cum inside your vagina and YET YOU won't let him KISS you? once again i ask

'whty?'

YOU say it's "too" personal. oh, and i spose a guy SHOOTING HIS SHIT IN YOU is in no way in fact "personal".

oh heavens no its not personal why i have a hundred loads of cum a day, but kissing is only for my man.

you people are SICK. you need help.

...me?

back to my tv shows. ( so much for masterbating.)

night.
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RE: help...
Posted on March 07, 2012 at 03:32 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

<-yeah so there it is my "pattern". just noticed it. most any of you who are reading this will have no clue. any one in some crime science lab type job may have figured it oot. an arrow pointing to blank space there is your hint. the puzzle is simple all you have to do is read.

no one wants to read 'x' number of pages. no ones interested.

...leave it alone.

bye for now.
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RE: help...
Posted on March 07, 2012 at 04:10 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

new people. new places. 'i'm paranoid.'

the old life playing 'cloak and dagger' walk like a'ninja'

'alwasy follow three rules.'

'1. don't have ppl over.'
'2. out by shortly after dawn (9:00 a.m. latest.) in after dark 7:00 p.m. or later.
'3. learn to listen. 'every time a person talks to you. they're telling you a story. learn to read the story. imgaine the story, even predict the twists it could take.'

'(k kinda sorts a 4th one. "Everyone belives a professional." this is saddily true. (know more than the mark knows and suddenly your a "PRoFESSIIONAL") talk a bit more above their head wait for them to swallow, and finally sink ther hook.'

andi came up wirth all this why?

EOL

...(bitches!)

...
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RE: help...
Posted on March 07, 2012 at 08:22 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

NEW PLACE.

vERY NEW SOUNDS.
(the prevous... w/e, the last shit tpyed. was it really typed wrong? (i really hate it when i pose questions like this. but the thief in me wants to know.)

the wind, the sounds? are you using this time to spy on me. you are russian afeter all.

WTF keeps 'knocking'?

its not the front door.v(onlyv door). shits so solid it could doub le as a russian bunker. if not the front door ehrtr then?

'holy crap' something 'beeped' at me.

okay so now not only do i have to deal with rfucked up sounds i now have to deal 'maschines' beeping at me?

'i swear if i find out where that sound is coming from someone dies.'

i alrdy tslked sbout the the chicky go gone thingy right?

'between the wind, the bumping sounds, and the sqweaky as fuck ceiliong 'fan'. i've become half if not more crazy. thought this quiet place....i was better at the sqwat. this place will aid in ppl being gone.'

works going good need to wait n c witch will be the better first one.

'Time.'

'i hate time.'

time, time, time, time...,

never enough. who was the jack ass that came up with the idea of time? (yeah, and they say there are no dumb questions. really i asked that? fore shame.)

'c' told ya "bad".

'bad just got worse.'

my paranoia, grows. people srtat becoming problems that need to be fixerd. i"'ll kill what csuses me hell" (? when qoauting oneself do you use double qoautes or single qoautes?) either way other words hell just became everything that cuases me paranoia.

if there was a 'god' would he help save us? cause is so he better strike soon.

i dreamt of her first. and how she would go. guess i have myy number 1.

i need to do some thinking.
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RE: help...
Posted on March 07, 2012 at 04:07 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

new place has a hot plate. scares the fuck outa me. 'no light'. outside the please let me put my hand on it to see if its on or not.

'fire' no light. bad.

i pass out drunk but before i do i check for power/on lights. no light mes i can sleep/pass out. light, 'turn it offf' then you can sleep soundly. hot plate has no light. thought i plugged in my toaster over. nope hot plate. wndering whyi see no light on toaster oven. feel door no heat. open place hand inside. no heat.

right hand hot. why? heating plate.

no light. this shit is on? i'm drunk stoned. if i would have gone to sleep by accident. i could have started a fire.v would have been bad.
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RE: help...
Posted on April 25, 2012 at 05:46 AM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

k so i haven't written here in like forever. so i'm back. reason i haven't written in a bit is things have been well as of late.

and as we all know all good things come to an end. well folks (for n/e 1 who has actaully read this far or even read some of this.) this is like reading a book with a twist ending or a really shitty one. which is this? IDK only time will tell. i am currently almost at my breaking point. and the question remains...'what is my breaking point?'

that's a ? i wish both you and i could answer that one. we'll both know when it happens that is for sure.

lets see some back tracking...

boat, (edit.)

boss trying to sell me off as slave labor. talking about about how i'm good at jobs most ppl won't but who do get paid..., now heres the catch. HE GETS PAID and i get the same pay as i do normally fuck the ? y... hes start'in piss me off. not good for him.

he might make the list.

I REALLY DON'T WANT HIM TO MAKE THE LIST!

time has passed since the above was thought. hes doing better about him, but (there had to be a 'but'.) hes making promiese (again) that he hasn't made good on. (this was months ago.) far he's been 50/fifthy. place n all. still wait'in on the phone. even thought there really is no need for him to pay for my phone. i pay 20 dollars a month and don't even usually use about $6 worth of it. so the point of him getting me a new phone and paying the bill is really pointless. i never use it except foe work.
no girl friend at this moment.

kinda sort working on it and not. (thought in the wrong place comes later. now, here's a wild question?

'can?'

'does one?'

'should one?'

'would one? book mark ones self?' (not like i'll ever get an answer.)

he called me. asked me if i want to work....

he must be back on the crack again. he still owes me $20.

other things. former squat finally got a "no treaspass" sign on it. thinking...................................................................................................................................................................place. still too fucking noisey. KITTIES! oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh yyyyyeeeaaahhhh.

fuck. need to quote myself for this part......CRTL+C (brb.)

bk.

"NEW PLACE.

vERY NEW SOUNDS.
(the prevous... w/e, the last shit tpyed. was it really typed wrong? (i really hate it when i pose questions like this. but the thief in me wants to know.)

the wind, the sounds? are you using this time to spy on me. you are russian afeter all.

WTF keeps 'knocking'?

its not the front door.v(onlyv door). shits so solid it could doub le as a russian bunker. if not the front door ehrtr then?

'holy crap' something 'beeped' at me.

okay so now not only do i have to deal with rfucked up sounds i now have to deal 'maschines' beeping at me?

NEW PLACE.

vERY NEW SOUNDS.
(the prevous... w/e, the last shit tpyed. was it really typed wrong? (i really hate it when i pose questions like this. but the thief in me wants to know.)

the wind, the sounds? are you using this time to spy on me. you are russian afeter all.

WTF keeps 'knocking'?

its not the front door.v(onlyv door). shits so solid it could doub le as a russian bunker. if not the front door ehrtr then?

'holy crap' something 'beeped' at me.

okay so now not only do i have to deal with rfucked up sounds i now have to deal 'maschines' beeping at me?

'i swear if i find out where that sound is coming from someone dies.'

i alrdy tslked sbout the the chicky go gone thingy right?

'between the wind, the bumping sounds, and the sqweaky as fuck ceiliong 'fan'. i've become half if not more crazy. thought this quiet place....i was better at the sqwat. this place will aid in ppl being gone.'"

two months in and alrdy thoughts of killing the landlord. hunph, funny or sad you decide.

listening to music...looking for a certain song i whonce had. any how in my search i can across a song i haven't heard in too many years. 1st thought in my head as the music started was an old gf from high school. she was a band geek but i loved her n/e ways. it was her favorite song. joke of jokes truth be told...

she played the 'flute.'

after seeing "american pie" (trade marked.) always made me wonder. did she do that too? if so would have been interesting. don't really remember why we broke up. she was a smart girl could have been some thing. she screwed up got pregnant by the first guy she slept with out of high school. ended up not finishing college and living in a triailler park. mot that i can speak better of my self...i think of mine as proably self imposed. her's accidentail.

going back to look foe that song for now.

that's IT! whatch'in "Mozart" (trade marked/ copy righted...n all that shit. (this thing can't spell. i know i don't spell EVERY word bleeding right. just seems there are some words this thing has no clue of or how to spell. (punctuation/grammer with standing.(lol. duh you can't see the words it says are wrong. i look like an idiot now. (so why not erase it? more interesting this way.))))

bye
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RE: help...
Posted on May 04, 2012 at 01:10 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )

replies: 0

wrote the following:

Live inside like you do outside. L.I.L.Y.D.O. dogs..........................(u know what fuck that...reTYPE WHAT YOU DELTEDED *) there! hap..p.y? maybe... 'dogs again...' maybe i shouldn't wait to talk about dogs. they're quite again. 'still' their retarded dogs they bark for an hour or more looong after the person has left…. Maybe I should start with them. Kill them 1st them start on my list. DREAM!............................................................................................................................................................................ Ok I dream all the time so no biggie but I have not dreamt of the horrid little bitch in forever then the other night I have a fucked up sexual dream about me and her.no reason for it. If it was about me killing her then yeah I’m good but a dream about me n her making out all lovey dovey. Playing games and such. No, not right at all. So I again ask why? (or did I even ask why to begin with. Well if I didn’t I’m asking now.) Damn dogs again! Yep think I’ll start with them. that sucks all formating gets thrown out the window when i copy/paste shit....:(
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