I suppose it's unfair, but I blame everything that's wrong in my life on my husband.  Really the blame should be all on me.  If I hadn't settled, hadn't married him to begin with, none of the things that I hate about my life would be as they are.  The sad thing is we've been married 23 years and I don't plan on leaving him.  It would break my kids' hearts.  So here I am...stuck.  What's worse is that I remember making the conscious decision before we got married, knowing I was "settling" on less than I really wanted.  It was the old bird-in-the-hand cliche.  Wasn't having someone who was a nice guy even if he wasn't what I really wanted better than the prospect of possibly being alone forever if I didn't find anyone better?  I may not sleep alone at night, but the feeling I have isn't one of security.  It's more like a ball and chain.

3 responses to Happy Anniversary

  1. Man, that's fucking terrible.

    Never tell your husband how you feel inside. I'd fall over and die if my SO said something like that to me.

    I guess that's what this site is for, though.

    Christ, now I wonder if my SO doesn't feel the same way sometimes... 

  2. Wow, thank you so much. I'm a 21 yr old and its got to the point where I'm beginning to think that all men are the same and that there's nobody whose right for me. Since I was 15 I've had a series of boyfriends. I don't tend to be single for more than 2 weeks at a time but then it seems I'm not as fussy as I should be about who I date...anyway, you've inspired me to not settle for less than my ideal as being stuck in a loveless marriage sounds very sad for both u and him. I wonder if true love even exists?
  3. Did it ever occur to you that maybe your husband deserves someone who doesn't think she "settled" for him?  That maybe he would like to be loved and cherished?  Did it occur to you that your kids might not want their father to be treated this way? 

    Maybe he settled - ever think of that?