I suppose it's unfair, but I blame everything that's wrong in my life on my husband. Really the blame should be all on me. If I hadn't settled, hadn't married him to begin with, none of the things that I hate about my life would be as they are. The sad thing is we've been married 23 years and I don't plan on leaving him. It would break my kids' hearts. So here I am...stuck. What's worse is that I remember making the conscious decision before we got married, knowing I was "settling" on less than I really wanted. It was the old bird-in-the-hand cliche. Wasn't having someone who was a nice guy even if he wasn't what I really wanted better than the prospect of possibly being alone forever if I didn't find anyone better? I may not sleep alone at night, but the feeling I have isn't one of security. It's more like a ball and chain.
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