But I'm scared shitless. I don't know what's happening and I don't know why I want a girlfriend so badly and have homosexual thoughts at the same time. I don't know if I'm going to do well enough in school and I don't want to move to ATL and I am just scared. I should be having the time of my life; I'm a freshman in college, I have some great new friends, and I laugh a lot. But inside I'm sad, and I hurt a lot. And I don't know why.