FUCK! I want to be FREE!!!!!

damn the world. i don't give a fuck what the hell is happening with the world. i just want to be FREE!!!!!!!!!!! i am 20 years old and i'm still living with my parents. i want to get the fuck out of their house so bad but i can't do it, because i'm so fucking weak and pathetic. i need to get a fucking full time job. i am so pissed. i can't stand it anymore. i just want some freedom. some independence. i want to make my own decisions. the reason why i am always depending on my family and friends to help me is because i can't make up my decisions. fuck that shit. i need to start making decisions for myself. i need to do what i want. not what i think people want me to do. otherwise i wouldn't be myself. i would be satisfying them. but what about me? would i be satisfied with the decision too? hell no. if i make a mistake, that's on me! i don't regret making decisions that i choose on my own. what i regret is making decisions based on what someone else's opinion. what the fuck? i hate myself so much that's why i want to die. Gosh, why won't i die already? my life is so fucked up that i feel so helpless. i feel like a kid, that's why i act like a kid. although for some reasons i want to stay a little kid. i play video games to get stress off my mind. i want to do what i feel like doing and i don't care about what happens to me if i ruin my life because people are bothering me so much. i don't give a fuck. i just want people to leave me alone. i want to disappear so bad that i want to fake my death or run away and take on another identity. Oh my gosh, i hate my life, i hate myself, i hate everything. why won't i die already? damn i hate that i am still alive, i feel so miserable and useless. i can't do anything right. i can't get along with people because i'm always arguing with them even though i know that they are just trying to be nice and help me. my mind is so fucked up i can't think properly. i need to meditate. i need to calm down. i'm getting a motherfucken headache. i can't take it anymore. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm just going to waste my fucking time and life away. i hope i get better. i hope i change myself. i hope i get the fuck out so i can live a more real life. a life where i want to struggle to be alive. a life where i want to love people, not hate them because they irritate me.