I was the one who convinced my husband to convert to Catholicism, I spearheaded the baptism of out children, I am the one who rounds up the family once a week to go to church, but I have been pretending for a few months now.  I lost my faith a while ago, and I was so over-come by sadness.  I don't want that sadness for my girls, so I continue to act like the model Catholic.  I feel like such a hypocrite.

7 responses to I don't believe in God anymore

  1. its not necessarily hypocracy what you are doing.  You want your girls to make their own decisions and have every opportunity.  By getting them to church and educating them about religion, come time for their confirmation they will be able to decide.  Just because you lost your faith doesnt mean you right or wrong, it doesnt mean you should push that view on your girls, continue what your doing and let them decide for themselves.  Its good what your doing, giving them the foundation and the opportunity to have a relationship with God.  As far as your concerned, this could be a faith rut.  Sometimes when enough bad shit happens its hard to keep your faith.  But God will pull through for you and something will happen and your faith will be restored.  Please just remember that their are hi's and low's and dont deny God when its low...dont damn yourself because you want instant results...you being a catholic know that it doesnt work like that.  I wouldnt want you going to hell or anything for a moment of weakness....Plow through, you havnt lost your faith.  Its just harder to hold onto right now.  Chin up, things will get better and before you know you will fall to your knees asking God for forgiveness for denying him.  He will forgive you and once again you will be on the road to salvation.  In the mean time, dont jeopardize your girls faith because of your moment of weakness....Its not hypocrasy.  Its helping them succeed where you have failed. 
  2. youll find him again. dont lose hope. im sure theres some kind of flame of faith inside of you, it just needs to be re-lit. dont worry. youll be okay
  3. Belief in god and religion will just end up being detrimental to your children's sanity and the way they integrate into society. Stop forcing religion on them and let them discover it, if they feel the need to, themselves.
  4. Tell your husband. He probably feels the same way. You're right. There is no god. That's okay. You're free to spread as much love and kindness around your world as you can. This is all we have. If the world stopped pretending and pacifying themselves with a grown-up version of Santa Clause, we could all be free to help each other and truly love one another. Society tells us that without this notion of God, we become these rotten, evil people. Not true. The kindest people I know are atheists.
  5. Sometimes a change is good.Find a new church,perhaps a more lively one. And even though you're losing your faith, which I hope you find again, keep up the good mothering. Your girls will grow up better women in the end because of your sacrafice.
  6. It can be a sad thing to lose your faith.  The relationships we build with our church, our priests, our community, and with our god are very personal.  It can be painful to discover that you don't believe in the same things you used to.  It can also be scary to admit to others that you don't believe in the same thing they do.  But it doesn't have to be the end of the world.  Find other ways to build community.  Start new traditions - or keep the ones you have.  Most importantly, teach your children to be true to themselves and their beliefs by being true to yours.  You can be a good mother without being a Christian.

    (And p.s., I did the same thing - converted my husband and then lost my faith.  He doesn't hold it against me) 

  7.   Perhaps you are angry with God?  Maybe you are questioning His goodness by allowing you to be in pain.  I commend you for going on with church and modeling faith to your children.  You are not a hypocrit.  That takes strength and dedication to your children's well-being to go on as you are.  I am a mother myself, I know how difficult it is to put on a happy face and be a good role model when you feel like crying and screaming and being anything but a good role model!  It is very hard and takes tremendous strength, so please do not be so hard on yourself.  Also consider that God understands our human condition.  He can accept your anger, your questioning, your "crisis of faith."  We can turn our backs on Him but He will not turn His back on us.  Remember too that there are seasons to life in our walk in the Spirit.  There are times when it may feel like God is no where when we need Him the most, but it is not so.  He is with you still.  And do not think He does not recognise what you are doing for the sake of your children.  As I said, he understands our broken human condition.  He knows what you are going through; the pain, the sadness, the anger, the questioning.  But still you are making your children's spiritual upbringing a priority.  Children are the most precious to God.  He will not overlook or take lightly this enormously important task he has entrusted you with and that you are caring for those childrens' souls by carrying on as you do.  While I do not know the specifics of your circumstances, I think it is possible that God is pleased with the strength and dedication to your children that you are exhibiting.  Few things, I believe, are more dear to God's own heart than the salvation of children.  Maybe even this an opportunity for you to grow and get through this "crisis of faith" and share what you have learned with your children.  This may be an opportunity for you to grow spiritually and bring that also to the spiritual teaching of your children.  Might I suggest a fabulous book that has been at my bedside for many difficult times in my life.  It is very short, its called "Comfort for Troubles Christians" by J.C. Brumfield.  It is available on amazon.com.  The book talks about the trials that Christians face and the purpose God has.  It is Scripturally based and cites many Scriptures.  For example consider Job 23:10  "When He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold."  And Malachi 3:3  "And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."  When the Lord tries us He is there with us, and it is always for our good.  Talk with a trusted Christian friend or a priest or someone who is spiritually strong in the Spirit.  And do not give up, God will get you through this.  God bless you.