I guess this  will somehow make me feel better. I don't want to go home for the Holidays...my husband and I can spend $900 bucks to fly home only to see family who don't try and visit us at all during the year...not to mention they hate that we bring our dog(he is 10 and our only child)...and we have to hear complaining of how one part of the family is better than the other(divorced family)...on top of that, we feel like my family makes us feel guilty if we spend 1 eve. with one parent, one with the other...all a viscous cycle that I really did not mind while my Grandparents were alive but...now, I just feel distant, and I resent the fact NO ONE EVER COMES TO VISIT US...my Dad barely pays attention to us, my Mom complains about having extra play money but is too lazy to go get a  part-time job...Just Sounds Fun doesn't it?   

4 responses to I Don't Want To Go Home For The Holidays

  1. you are not alone
  2. so why do you go?
  3. My husband and I recently came to the conclusion that putting yourself out for your family when they don't do the same is not worthwhile. Perhaps this year say "we are not coming but would love for you guys to come and stay with/near us so that we can show you a good time". If no-one takes you up on the offer then you get to spend a blissful christmas just the three of you and you've saved $900. If someone does come to you instead then you get to show them how christmas should be done!
  4. Ahhhhh.... Deck the halls.... this is the first year of many I may actually pull off not going to moms. While my father was alive I remember the crap mood he got into every holiday season(now one might think it was the fact that he had to spend money, Wrong, my grandmother saved all year long and brought so many presents we literally could not walk in the living room. there was my brother and I, so 2 small gifts was all my parents bought) My father would grump and bitch, never lifted a finger to do anything but lift a fork to his mouth as my mother brought him every plate of food.

    When I was in my first year of high school my mother became a Nanny for 2 little Chinese boys, they were coddled where my brother and I had gotten "Children are to be seen and not heard" and "Spare the rod, spoil the child" no spoiling for us, but the new "family" was different. every year my husband and I would try to drive the usually 13 or so hours with all of our children to grama's house full of someone else's family; one year even arriving 20 minutes after the 1:00 pm deadline for when dinner always commenced, netting us a ravaged table, a cold turkey and everyone sitting around in the living room and den showing their empty plates to the dog. You snooze you loose.
     
    A Holiday at my mother's house is always tension and drama (one year my mother spilled every drop of the 'drippings' for the gravy on the newly 'Futured' floor, my mother went into convulsions, to which we(the women) all promptly scooped it off the floor (have you ever tried to scoop clear broth off a floor with bare hands?) and made the gravy anyway. we all just told my mother it would be fine, the floor was clean, anything so she would stop melting down. My husband at the time just kept whispering to me "does this taste like 'Future' to you?" I wanted to Kill him, and had it not been for the children and the lack of lime I would have.

    Now, this year I have broken the family rule, 6 years divorced myself, I have finally found the love of my life, a 6'2" gorgeous black man with the heart of an angel. (if you hadn't guessed I'm an illumines white girl)   My mother being from old school North Carolina, is to the bone, separatist. I have gotten into a couple of verbal tiffs with her over the matter and refuse to live my life to her ignorant ideals any longer.

     soooooo. This year I plan a relaxed but incredible dinner at our house,  the smell of turkey baking all night wafting through the house. Great sex in the morning, the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade with a cup of coffee and pumpkin pie and whipped cream, great food with an incredible man, my daughters, their boyfriends and Football...!!!  Then... Hot Buttered Rum and decorating the tree....

    There is something to be said for breaking out of the negative mold, of holidays that can only be survived by several trips to the car to spike the pepsi....