Posted on January 30, 2008 at 06:11 PM (PST)
( ago);
section: confession / life
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I used to cut myself all of the time when i was younger. I had depression, and i helped take away my emotional pain by cutting. I cut for about 3 years until I had to stop. You would think that it would be hard for the first year but after that there would be no temptation. That is completely wrong. It has been 3 years since i stopped cutting but i still get the urge to cut when im upset. Sometimes i have to grab my arm and dig my nails into my skin until my anger/sadness goes away.
Cutting is such an addiction because it is the way I dealt with my problems. When I was upset I would cut, and that physical pain would help me forget about the emotional pain I was dealing with. It is kind of like when I bled my emotional pain would be released. That sounds kind of creepy but that is the way I feel.
The thing is that nobody expects this from me because i am not the usual "type" that would cut herself. On the outside i am a very normal, socail person who is pretty cheerful, but whenever i get upset i have to hold myself back from hurting myself. Lately I have been more tempted than usual, I get so close that I am actually holding scissors up to my skin, but something holds me back.
I just wanted to know if other people that are recovering cutters still get the urge to cut, even 3 years or more after the last time you actually cut.
[reply]
[yes]
[no]
3 responses to Desire to cut
RE: Desire to cut
Posted on September 23, 2008 at 07:35 PM (PDT) ( ago )wrote the following:
yes, I still get the urge. And have even regressed and followed through.
But it feels sooo much better to just jump on my bicycle and ride like a maniac until I'm worn down. It hurts just as much, a stitch in my side, leg muscles burning, lungs on fire- but it seems more productive.
Give it a shot...
RE: Desire to cut
Posted on October 16, 2008 at 02:14 PM (PDT) ( ago )wrote the following:
My stepfather never SI'd as far as I know but I know he suffers from severe depression. He runs. He runs and runs until he can't feel a thing. He gets those endorphins he needs and he gets the blues out. So yes, exercising does work.
RE: Desire to cut
Posted on October 16, 2008 at 02:12 PM (PDT) ( ago )wrote the following:
I still struggle w/ this. I started SI late in life by SI standards. By that I mean that I began to seriously (actual cutting) when I was 24.
I have read on a website called S.A.F.E. that one thing to do is to make a Happy Box or some such. You put good pictures in there, a journal to write out the anger, markers, a coloring book, a deck of cards...whatever it is that always makes you smile and can keep your hands busy.
Do you have a pet? If you do cuddle it. Walk it. Play tug of war or let it swat a string or something.
I still cut so I feel a little hypocritical telling you this. But you've come so far. THREE YEARS!!! I hope to someday reach that point. Best wishes to you.