Liquid Courage in a Glass..

wrote the following:

so i was doing this thought experiment while at the bar of all places. Here's what I concluded. At least for me any way. Is my fixation with holding something in my hand? Like this dependency on this thing that does not cure but only makes me more sick. i'm soothed by the numb reminder. what sticks out most is the glass in hand and not so much the substance inside. The contents are secondary to my demise. It's the weakness of mindset that wounds me the way it has. I forget who and what I am. Like temporary amnesia sown from an almost fatal blow to the head. My mind races trying to figure out the pieces constrewn across the ground. Like a fake sense of security coated with an appealing lining of worry free bliss. Some time has passed and i am still left in an ambiguous thought of shattered progress leading to simple and mundane thoughts that if looked at on a macroscopic level. Appear to be nothing but collosal ruins. Like the kind you find in the great ancient Roman empire. shambles and ruins. A life defined on how things have crumbled and how I rise to rebuild something more monumental and grandiose.