Yesterday I went off on my brother about getting a job just to be mean. I apologized immediately afterwards; I know it was wrong. And yet there was some truth to it. I suggested he go out to find a packed bar (it was Saturday night) where the bartender is in the weeds, introduce himself and ask the guy if he needs a hand pulling beers or something. My brother laughs and says he’s never heard of anyone bypassing the standard hiring process. My eyes flew open—because that is pretty much the only way anyone gets hired. You don’t just submit a resume into space and wait for a call. You walk yourself in there or you find someone who can introduce you to someone in there etc. That is exactly how innovative job seekers find work. That’s been my experience, and I haven’t spent more than 30 days unemployed in my entire post-college, adult life. Plus, I’m severely fucked up. I spent a month in rehab for alcoholism and I was still getting paid as if I was working full time. Those are the perks of working for a huge corporation with excellent benefits. You can have a full-fledged breakdown and they’ll cover you for awhile because, when healthy, you’re worth waiting for. Specific appropriate real-life examples aside, I am an expert on finding jobs, getting hired, and staying on the payroll. But he laughs.