I don't know if its because I'm older or just have been wandering around in the world of 'fangirls' for a few years now but, I've seen the same trends with the internet and fandoms and it kind of has me rather tired. I am a giant flaming nerd. I can't deny this but I am pretty good at keeping on the down low. At least in the real world. Even online honestly. I participate on websites for sci fi shows or whatever has my fancy at the moment. But I mostly stick to the same thing but its not my life. I don't spend hours coming up with some hilarious gif to make or drawing. If it happens it happens. And during the day walking down the street you wouldn't know I was a girl with a massive Star Wars obsession who also loves comics. But all of this is beside my point. I've notice they younger kids, maybe ten to five years younger than me...just drive me nuts. No, even thats going to far. They used to drive me nuts but now I just see some of the stuff they do and say and briefly reflect on how naive and young they are. When did I get like this? I know when I was their age I would get that obsessive over some random comic book hero actor and I would be overly obnoxious about it because I thought declaring my love for a fictional character some how defined me as an individual. They take such great offense when anyone has an opinion that doesn't agree with theres and act like they are defending their job or their religion. I just felt like getting this out today because I deal with it on a daily basis. I have a fiancé, college, bills to pay, and various other responsibilities. I wouldn't say I am an adult yet, though legally I am and many of those kids would call me an adult but I'm old enough now to know that you are not a true adult until you are paying for everything yourself are out of school and have a real job. Even then you may not be. But I look at these kids, know I used to be them and just can't relate. When I was their age I used to sayI will remember how I was so when I'm a mother I can deal with my teenager properly. It's barely been five years since I was a teenager and I already don't know what to say half the time. I don't relate to those obsessive fangirls who have to scream in my face that they love Thor or Star Wars. Just because you can scream louder than me doesn't mean you are the bigger fan. And what exactly is accomplished by being the bigger fan? I mean really? It gets you nothing out of life. This thing that you love so much...its a release right? I mean thats why you love it. Its why people consume media and entertainment, its an escape from society. Thats it. It may gain you some friends who share a similar interest but other than that nothing. At job interviews they don't ask you what your favorite movie is. They don't want to know you make dirty jokes about Spider-Man. They don't care. I know that used to be my world. I would become so engrossed with some movie or comic and thats all there was. My views were so narrow. For a while it really annoyed me these kids. Their hormones giving them a roller coaster of emotions and their mindless worship of media. I used to rant to my fiancé about them and now I don't even have the energy too. i am just tired of. I sigh when I see them post some pointless blog in all caps and ignore it. These are people I was trying to make friends with but now I just don't want to be their friends. And I wonder if they realize that their obnoxious mindless behavior is turning people off. I'd like to think I knew when I was their age, or I must've realized because I mellowed out. But I used to surround myself with girls just like me. Obnoxious fans who had to scream to get their point across. But I know it's not just younger kids. It's people my age too. And I can't relate to them at all. The loudness of it all just seems so unnecessary. And I think god aren't you too old for this? Yes, yes they are. I know most of them have similar obligations. They may not be in a committed relationship but they have the other things. But I've noticed if they are still this obnoxious at this age they seem isolated. Clinging to others just like them. They don't want to let go and accept new things. I consider myself open minded and try to surround myself with different types of people. I'm a nerd who hates the violent hard core nerds. But when I am around other types of people I feel like its necessary to hide aspects of myself. A boss once told me he thought I was caught in some in between. What he said always stuck with me because its not like I talked to him about these secret thoughts in my head. In fact I didn't really care for him but even I have to admit it was one of the most accurate assumptions anyone has ever made about me. He said that I'm too cool to fit in with the nerdy kids, but I'm too nerdy to fit in with the cool kids and he said he respected me for my fluidity in society. Though I couldn't penetrate deep into either direction, I was capable of it. Now I can safely say that I am having a harder time getting as deep as I used to. I get excited to join some new nerd club and am only left with a bad taste in my mouth and feeling alone. I have become quite content with my shallow internet friendships and being on my own. I would like to maybe someday be able to be with these obnoxious fangirls and not have the running commentary in my head about how stupid they are. But for now I will stay in this weird in between place and try to become more tolerant.
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