Here we go again.

Here we go! Journal entry numero uno! And what an excellent time to start. You’ve fucking cheated on me again. And what did I do about it? Abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING! God damn I hate being the good guy. Hell, that’s why you’re cheating on me anyways! Cause I’m not exciting enough. And of course, you did your whole bipolar thing again. Talking about how much you dislike me. How I’m not good enough. Then you tell me that you love me and wanna marry me. REALLY?! Coulda fuckin fooled me after kissing two guys tonight, stripping for a guy on camera (which you were never gunna tell me), and who the hell knows what else. You say you love me? You say you wanna marry me? Then FUCKING PROVE IT! I love you isn’t just 3 fucking words. Get that through your head. I Love You is a LIFESTYLE. It’s waiting up till the ungodly hours of the morning, just to make sure that they got home safe. It’s passing on something you think would be fun, but know that it might hurt the person you love. I love you is being selfless, not selfish. Honestly, the one thing I’ve wanted in our entire relationship is to be able to believe you when you say that you love me more. I WANT you to win that argument. But honestly, you never do. Look at how I love you. Then look at how you love me. You tell me who loves the other one more. Also, you want to fucking marry me? Yeah good fucking luck with that! We can’t even make it a year and a half without you cheating on me 3 times. You say you want to marry me, but don’t wanna settle down yet? HAHA! That literally made me laugh in disgust. So basically, you want the happy, fairytale ending with me (because you know, deep down in your heart, that no guy will ever love me like I love you. Nobody will do as much for you as I do/plan to do. I’m the best you will get, and you know it) and still want all the “good” stuff that comes with being single? You want to do whatever the hell you want, and then still want the happy ending. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Think about me throughout this. How about that one. I wish for just one day, just one, you could experience how I feel all the time. That’s part of the reason I started this journal today. I’ve had enough. I can never tell you how I really feel. I am so sick and tired of wearing this mask. Up through the first year with you, I could tell you anything it seemed. Nowadays, I wouldn’t dream about that. The second I begin to tell you how I feel, you get mad at me and start yelling, and we start to fight. Honestly, it feels like all I am is a puppet to you. You have me do whatever I want, and that’s it. Anything that I want isn’t really important at all. You make it sound like you want my opinion, but you really don’t. (I know I’m skipping around here, but oh well. This is my mind right now) You sent me a text. This was the biggest joke of the night. “U make it impossible for me to fathom breaking up with u” That is word for word what you said to me. So…. You can’t imagine breaking up with me, but you can imagine cheating on me? And cheating again? And then cheating AGAIN, with two guys in one night? GOD DAMN! I didn’t know cheating was such a small issue! I mean, you can’t break up with me, but cheating? Oh hell yeah! Let’s just do that all we want! God I do love you I swear, but sometimes the stuff that you say sounds just like all the other kids in this generation. Finally, you decided to get wasted off your ass because you are mad at your family? HA! Oh the irony of it all. So you get mad at your family, and what do you decide to do? WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT! You always say how much you hate your family, and how you can’t wait to get away from them. Honestly, take a good look in the fucking mirror. Just look in a mirror for 5 minutes. No make-up, no music, no nothing. Just look. Then look below the skin. What do you see? Cuz as of lately, all I see is a person who does whatever they want, without any regard anybody else. The person that they love and want to marry (let’s just say married to make it even more ironic) isn’t good enough for them anymore, so they use their snap judgment to go ahead and cheat, because they don’t want to be “tied down.” Honestly, with those two things in mind, who does it sound like? To me, it sounds like a hell of a lot like your father. The funniest part? I’m describing you actually. But hey, as long as you’re happy right?