This is going to be very long, so sorry! I'm just really lost and hurt right now. The summer before junior year, I met my future boyfriend, Brad, for over half a year. I liked him so much, and we talked for two or so months. My best girl friend, Ella, and his best friend were dating at the time so it was all so perfect. Then school started and I started secretly falling for my guy best friend, Winston. I never made anything of that because he had a girlfriend. Winter got here and I started dating Brad. It was so nice but there was always something missing. We went to different schools so it was easier to find myself liking Winston more than I liked my own boyfriend. Winston and his girlfriend broke up leaving him to hang out with Ella and I more and more. Summer came and we were all hanging out more than my own boyfriend and I did. Well come July Ella went out of town for a week leaving it just Winston and I to hangout. The past couple months with Brad have been questioning already. He would cancel plans, and go all day without talking to me. Him canceling plans led me to hangout with my Winston for FIVE nights in a row. Just riding around and having the best time. Staying out as late as we could. By the 3rd night I realized I liked him more then I had ever liked Brad. I had to end it. Winston talked to me about it that night and he told me not to be in a relationship that I wasn't happy with. That's when I said to myself that he was the one that made me happiest. That night I ended with my boyfriend and told my Winston how I felt. He said he felt the same. We were scared. What if this ruined our friendship horribly. I just got out of a relationship. We agreed to keep it secret for a while. Even from Ella. We didn't want it to be awkward for her to hangout with us, and I honestly didn't want her to judge me for being single for not even five minutes, which is another reason why we kept it from being public. The next days were the best. The first time we kissed when he brought me home. He was late getting home because we lost track of time that night. In that week, I didn't care about what I might regret. I was with my best friend. The one I had wanted for almost a year now. We talked about going public when school started back. I was so happy. Then he went out of town for two weeks for camps. The day he came back I left out of town for the weekend. He had talked to me a tad less than usual in that last week, but Ella was with me out of town so I thought maybe he knew I couldn't talk much around her. Then today... I get home. I let him know. He says he'll be there to get me in a little bit. The whole time we hung out he was acting upset. I asked him what was wrong and he brushed it off. Later on the way to my house he told me he had very few best friends, being as most of his went off to college over this summer, and he decided he didn't want to risk losing me as one of his best friends because he knows that he would find a way to mess this up big time. I didn't say much of anything. Those words hurt me so bad. I got home and cried. I didn't want to just be friends. I'll never want to. I didn't understand how we could go back to being just best friends after the way it was the previous weeks. Ella also asked today if there was something between us two. He told me to say there wasn't. Now this whole thing is just a secret between us two. Like it never happened at all. It hurts so bad. We have to act like this was nothing. I love my best friend. I don't even no where to go in this situation. I'm so heartbroken. I have to try and be best friends with him. How am I supposed to? I can't even talk to Ella about it. Or any friend for that matter. I had to lie to her. Idk what will happen at this point. He says he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. The night he told me he had feelings for me was almost the point of no return with that friendship. I asked him if he for sure wanted to do this. He said yes and then changed his mind after two weeks. This is the most confusing situation I have ever been in. It's like it never happened at all, except on the inside. And he wants me to even pretend it didn't. This is horrible. I just needed to let this out. Maybe hear something positive. Thank you for reading.
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