just, somebody give me a break here. I come home and expect people to be nicer to me and I expect people to sympathize with me when I'm upset but that never happens. I bike to school on a hot day only to find out that I can't get my registration packet. Great so now I go back home with nothing in hand. I go home to find that I don't have what I need to get my registration packet. Great now I'm fucked. I try to talk about it with my brother but he just jokes to me. Like what the fuck dude. I'm really upset here and you're joking about this? I just hear the same things every time i talk about my problems and they never get better. What do I do? I'm trying to ask for help here but I always get bad advice that doesnt work work me. My brother is an asshole and a smart ass. He calls me lazy and shoves it in my face that he has a job and goes to school. So what. I'm going to school too. And I feel like my life's a little harder because it just turned out that way. My mom cared for him. She actually cared and took him to the hospital when he needed it and fed him without complaints. With my sister too. She never had problems. She just made her own problems. She was an attention whore and always thought she was so much better than everyone. She always thought what she did was always more right than what other people did. I was the youngest. I don't really know how it is for them being older and all but I felt that I always had to take care of myself. More than them at least. My mom always reluctantly took care of them, but with me she just complained about it until she forgets and just doesn't do it. And she denies it too. When I try to let her know all she does is nag and doesn't even take care of me. Well she's nice and all. The thing is she thinks that once she's done one nice thing she doesn't have to do anything else. I'm just sick and tired of trying to assure myself she's right and I'm always wrong. I keep trying to tell myself that nothing's wrong with my life at all .But honestly it may not seem like there's anything wrong. I just have no idea how it feels to be a person who tells everyone all their problems truthfully. Right now though I feel like I should cause otherwise, no one would listen. Right now all I want to do is sleep and never wake up. I've been depressed before too. I was always shy and more modest. I wouldn't go and tell people how I felt because my mom would always expect me to be a normal child you know. I couldn't help but try to act normal even when I didn't feel like it. I've cut myself before and I've done it even while at therapy or counseling. I would never tell them about it of course because they wouldn't understand either. They wouldn't even understand little things about me. I was shy and only told them what I had to. I knew that all they wanted was the money and they didn't really care about me. I realize that nobody really does. They just do what they have to do. I've never, ever had a friend like that before. somebody who really cared and didn't just take the role of a friend cause they felt they had to. Damn. I'm scared for my toe haha. I'm so scared that I just break out in tears that I might lose one of my big toes. I'm in pain but all I want is to feel more pain. We got new razors maybe I should try them out. I honestly just really want this annoying, scary pain to go away. What do I do. I'm tired of always being the one that's wrong. Not sometimes but always. Always. I can't even cry without somebody telling me they're upset with me. Isn't it obvious that I might be upset too? If it is then why don't you ever care? Even when you say you do. Why don't you ever care? Why don't I ever feel like you really care. Why do I feel like I'm always treated unfairly. I'm younger you know, you can't expect me to grow so quickly. I can't even cry like a moody teen girl when I want to? I can't even go to my own mother when I feel upset anymore. Whenever I'm upset I just cry alone. I know nobody understands. They don't even try. I guess I really am wrong then because if nobody understands me then I must be a little different and different in that direction must be very wrong. If you can't beat em join em. How though? How is the question. Haha this bothering pain. I think my toes are just naturally curved in so they just won't stop getting ingrown. Can somebody explain to me what ingrown toenails are because I'm totally wrong about them so please, give some insight. Why do they hurt? Because my mom says that ingrown toenails can't hurt your toe because it's just a toenail.. really though? I thought the ingrown toenails grew like under your skin and so it gets stuck ther just irritating the skin. But apparently it's just a nail and it can't hurt your toe. Damn, Why do I always have to be wrong.. I hate this.
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