sick to my stomach and want someone to know

i at least want the feeling of someone knowing whats going on in my head... i'm not someone who likes telling people how i feel... in fact i hate it. but if i do it anonymously i can. and i'm gonna tell the world. so for starters i have been dating this guy for 9 months... ten months in a week or so... and somewhere in there he cheated on my (early on in the relationship) with my "best friend" and i've been in love with this kid since we we're like 7. and it's great and ABSOLUTELY great now. i love him dearly and i have forgiven him for what he did. and i trust him i really do, (and i can't go into all the details of a nine month relationship but trust me he has honestly earned back my trust... and i'm not some dumb girl who's in love with a jerk it isn't like that) but today i was reading the book "sometimes it happens" -and for those of you who haven't read it, it's about a girl (hannah) who's about to start senior year of high school and she's fallen in love with he best friend's boyfriend (noah) and the best friend (ava) has been gone ALL summer and hannah and noah have been working with lacey a friend of theirs and so hannah was dating this guy sabation and he cheats on her the last day of school so they break up and she's heart broken and so she falls for noah, ava comes back and it's all a big mess- so i'm having emotional issues with this book and i'm trying not to but it's hard. i love this guy so much with all of my heart he's been there most of my life and i've lost alot of friends and boyfriends but he's been in my life for ten years and now finally together... and i want us to be together, in fact he gave me one the greatest night of my life for my birthday, but there is another problem in our relationship and it's me... as i said i can't tell people how i feel and i also can't tell him... it's hard for me to, but i think i have that worked out, hopefully. well i let you in on my life more later, right now i need to breathe, try not to have an anxiety attack, and clean my room. (which is taking FOREVER!!!) please leave comments if you want. thanks. LOVE&ROCKETS **MII**