I'm Afraid of You

I am not afraid of my future. I am resigned that ultimately I will leave this world no matter what the circumstance. However, my greatest fear is not what physical pain I will endure but what will happen to me if I continue to fall for you. I did not mean to fall for you. I did not want to get to know you or feel anything too strong. Yet, for all my efforts and reasoning against I am here wanting to be with you. But for the life of me I had to meet you at the wrong time. I wish I didn't. There have been so many time in the past where I had met someone at the wrong time and I ended up broken because of it. For so long before this I had told myself not to get close, that even allowing the slightest of real emotion to enter into me would destroy me. So I kept my distance. I fooled myself with cheap flings and kept anything serious away. And then you came along. Everyone told me I should give it a shot so I did. Yet now I'm stuck in a limbo between absolute bliss and complete despair and terror. Any moment I am away from you I feel this terrible sadness and constantly wonder if you feel the same way. It scares me, because I have given you so much power over me that the mere sense of you rejecting me will send me plummeting. Your radiant, powerful blue eyes, your flush lips and pretty face; they keep me fixed on you so much. But it tears into me because while we are so great together life seems to want to tear us apart, and your silence for what we are further cuts deep. I wish I could ask you where we are or where we are going. But I have the sneaking suspicion that if I do I will lose you...