I am so fucking pissed off at this guy. I want him to leave his wife for me. It hurts me so much that he won't choose me over her. I know it is wrong to think like that but it is really complicated and there is this huge part of me that thinks that we were destined to be together from the start and life and mistakes got in the way. I feel like it's one of those things where if either of us had made one different choice, we would be together...like he never would have even met her. Maybe in some alternate universe we are together...we didn't make those decisions that altered our entire destinies. I feel like this is all wrong that we are on the wrong path. If I had gotten to him sooner things would be different. I'm kicking myself in the ass. I'm so angry and him and her and myself. Why can't he love me? Does he not see that I am perfect for him?! It hurts so bad! I have never been this miserable in my life. I've never met a guy that was as perfect for me as he is. I'm scared that I never will... I'm so jealous of his wife. I fucking hate her...and I'm so wrong... Why doesn't he want me? Why can't he see?! Sometimes I literally feel like I can't breathe. This is so awful. All I want is his love... is that too much to ask? I know I'm not supposed to want a married man. I am not acting on it...I know how wrong it is... but I am in so much pain. I feel like screaming and crying. Why the hell am I not good enough to him? I am a Victoria's Secret model compared to his ugly hillbilly wife...and he has everything in common with me and nothing with her. What the fuck?! I just don't fucking get it. I'm so angry and I need to release it but have no way to... I literally feel like breaking shit! I almost threw my cell phone across the room a few mins ago!
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