He sits at the edge of the bed clipping his toenails. Little crescents fly everywhere, pinging against the wall, the bureau... I become increasingly irked by this display... I dont know why but lately he's been driving me crazy. Meerly his presence. The endless toe clipping isn't helping either. Sometimes I wonder if i'd be better off alone, sipping coffee and smoking Virginia Slims in my apartment. I'm tired of paying the rent. I'm tired of being the breadwinner. Don't get me wrong, he's quite a charmer at times. When I had surgery he placed my ass on the commode when i couldn't do it myself. He lets me go off on random tangents, finds my sarcasm cute, and he's learned to laugh at my extreme clumsiness. Quite a feat for any human being... I feel as if sometimes I just cannot appreciate his generosity. Maybe he's too nice, too lenient and forgiving. Maybe I'm just an unrelentless asshole. I find myself stewing at 2 am, heart pounding away like a jackhammer in my chest. I'm horny and my mind is pacing. Sexual frustration is a bitch. Especially in the field I work in, which so happens to be medicine. I'd love to tell you the sexual tension in hospitals is nothing like Grey's Anatomy, but i'd be lieing. It's like that and then some...I can't begin to explain how many times a doctor has pushed me up against the closet wall and fucked me in my head. I then wonder if theres more to my life than this shitty apartment, lying next to my broke boyfriend. Times are tough. But do they have to be for me? Is it simply in the cards? I've been thinking lately about ending it. For what purpose? Boredom perhaps? Would be typical of me to destroy a great thing simply out of restlessness...
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