These comments belong to the entry help...

  1. RE: help...

    Posted on May 05, 2012 at 02:10 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )
    replies: 0
    Db90964bcf1ce6082464440d53beab24

    wrote the following:

    \ patterns. back to patterns again. putting my stuff in the same place all the time the walking the streets. i don't think most ppl even realize that they have patterns. the place where you hang your keys, the order in which you do things when you first wake up. whats the first thing you look at once your awake. your phone, email, computer? we all do some ppl just nvr figure /see it happening till another points it out. some patterns are easy to break but others they seems almost ingrained into my being...................................................................... maybe i'm not crazy. just wired wrong. ( a fully functional human that's wired wrong. not much worse than that. limited use in society but has a high intelligence. total waste.) THAT'S ME . i can ask the ? y. n the answer will nvr come. perhaps in madness i will find the answer. back to 'time' once again. everyday i feel closer to breaking and finally killing someone. i have my list. screw practice. you do it. do it with no hesitation. so practice is pointless. speaking of list. outside the whole kelly thing. I'VE STARTED TO THINK ABOUT KILLING HIM AGAIN. lots. i REALLY want to call him. (to ask about kelly..............._) FUCK! back to the fucking poison. \ \ leave it/her ALONE! just keep remembering 'she's poison.' your writing this to rid yourself of your demons NOT encourage them. although writing this does seem to make me want to free a few of those demons. i have nothing to lose cause i had nothing to begin with. not totally true. i was born into a rich family and a famous family. but my mother fucked everything up...kinda like isis is doing. (granted her father isn't rich but still its an equal comparision about a fall from grace. could it be that i'm just angry about how my mother/mom (bitch) fucked me. possibly. i was born to an oil/lumber tycoon who also happened to be a golden gloves boxer. (she/I was born rich...why did she have to go n FUCK IT ALL UP? granted i was a step grandson but i was the first born and born of a daughter he sired as of his death and my grand mothers i got nothing. mother (bitch) blew EVERY FUCKING THING THEY GAVE HER. 100 aceres in tahoe. what did her stupid ass do. SHE SOLD IT FOR DRUGS! she is sooooo lucky i can't currently find her atm. (slowly working on that issue (damned bitch words again.)) now i practically live day to day. worst yet seems i take mostly after her. no matter how hard i try to seperate myself from her i always find myself falling back into HER PATTERNS. DRUGS!!!!!!! i can pull myself away from them n get clean BUT cause i have nothing in my life currently. i find myself falling back down the hole. no gf, no social life, (trying to fix that . maybe it will help me to curb what i want to do (or give me new measure to proceed. )) we'll see won't we as long as i have a puter (or access to one i'll continue to post here.) i think i'll end it here for now.

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