These comments belong to the entry Please help :(

1. RE: Please help :(

   Posted on April 24, 2012 at 08:16 PM (UTC) ( about 1 year ago )
   

   replies: 0
   

   

   wrote the following:

   You really should be honest with your dad and tell him how you feel. If he takes it the wrong way, too bad. But he needs to know and you need to tell him or you'll always blame other people for what happened. If he chose not to listen to you and keeps it up, then it's HIS fault. I was in the same boat before, my parents wouldn't stop fighting, but I wanted them to get divorce because they clearly weren't happy together for a long time. They were only staying together not to break my grandparents' hearts. And that was the dumbest thing ever. And I felt like the way you do, that the whole family's well-being was on my shoulder, that I'm the only one who could talk senses into them. Guess what, you're not responsible for their misery. Your dad made a choice to take it out on you and your mom and your siblings. Not to say he's a bad guy, but it's important to find out why he act this way. Whatever your aunt/uncle say, at the end of the day your dad make a choice to pick fights. There's usually more to the story. Adults in the family like to keep the juicy details away from the children and prevent them to see their parents as the flawed people that they really are. Don't blame it on the aunt and uncle. Your dad wasn't born yesterday, he knows these people at lot longer than you have, and he's a grown man. He knows EXACTLY what they're up to. They just enable him to act this way. But if you just want to vent and tell them to fuck off, feel free, you have every right to. You should tell your dad how you feel and talk to him and really understand why he act this way. But you also need to prepare for the possibility that your parents are not who you think they are and you might come out disappointed with them. You also need to ask your parents straight-up if they're happy together and whether they want to stay together and if splitting up would make them happier. You need to be willing to accept that. Asking your parents to stay together for your sake would be kinda pointless if it hurts you as much as it hurts them and everybody just stays miserable. But if they are the type of people who don't listen, or that they're not willing to share honest feelings with you, that should give you all the reason you need to let it go and move on. You're going to university, it's NOT your problem anymore. Focus on yourself first. You have a future, they made a choice to stay stuck in a rut with these pointless arguments. People like them DO change. Sooner or later all their children will be off to have their own lives and their parents will all be gone and they'll realize that all these pointless fights are just keeping them away from enjoying the precious little time ahead of them. It's really sad. You'll be away, they can't hurt you anymore. Don't worry about your mom and your siblings, they'll either accept the status quo and cope (as you're doing now) or they can stand up for change (confront your dad, pack their bags and leave, or whatever). You can try to be there for them, but it's THEIR hard choice to make. There ARE choices, none of them perfect, and maybe they're not what you WANT. But whatever you choose, you do need to shield yourself from all the hurt before healing can begin. It's your #1 priority. You also need to accept that everyone involved in this (you parents, your siblings, and yourself) are all flawed people. Everyone failed at doing the right thing and let the madness perpetuate because it helps mask away something deeper that they don't want to address. Fights are often not about what they're really about. You're 18 now, it's time to take your happiness in your own hands and stop letting others dictate yours, start taking responsibility for your own decisions, stop blaming others for your misery, do what you can do to stop letting it affect you, and let the rest play its course. And if I don't stress it enough already, don't play the blame game, it only leads to an endless cycle of unhappiness. If you try your best and things don't turn out the way you want it to, accept, let go, and move on. Acceptance and letting go is probably the hardest lesson of growing up for most people.

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